Homestuck: Truth or Dare
by Kekara
Summary: The characters of Homestuck are all brought together to answer questions and do dares submitted by you!
1. Chapter 1

**The scene opens to a fancy room with a set of 21 chairs circling a large table. In one of these chairs sits a girl, alone, on a laptop. Who is this girl?**

**Don't even bother trying to enter a name. She won't let it happen. She figures she could just tell you her name. Why not? **

**...**

**Nah. She doesn't want you to have the satisfaction. Not yet. We'll just call her the author.**

Author: Hello! I was looking at all of this truth or dare stuff and I found it really interesting! The very idea fascinates me! So I figured hey, I'm bored, why not make my own? I don't care if it's been done a couple times already!

So here's what's going to happen! I'll bring the characters here momentarily. My appearifier is warming up. I'm going to gather all 12 trolls and the kids from both the pre-scratch and post-scratch universes for now, but maybe I could bring in some more characters if you beg for it ;D

I will be taking everyone alive from the end of Act 6 Act 3, and everyone dead by that point I will take from the point they died. Tavros and Vriska will be taken from the point Tavrisprite tavrisploded :33

Then, here's where you come in! I decided the kind of truth or dare where the audience submits content! (That's how Homestuck was founded, am I right?) So I need you people to ask questions and dare our loving cast and make this a very entertaining time. And remember, it's rated teen! Nothing terribly inappropriate please!

And if you feel I'm getting out of character with someone, please don't hesitate to tell me! Feedback is awesome!

And that's that! My appearifier is all warmed up and it's time to get this show on the road!

_The author moves over to a large machine that has apparently been there the whole time and you simply didn't notice. After lots of button pushing and dial turning, she appearifies all 20 of the confused characters who will be playing our little game_

Author: Hello everyone!

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

Dave: whoa, what the hell happened?

Rose: If I knew, I'd tell you

Vriska: hey, is that john?

_Vriska smirks_

Gamzee: honk :o)

Kanaya: Oh My God.

_The cast mumbles for a few minutes trying to make sense of where they are_

Author: Everyone shoosh! I'll explain everything!

_They continue to mumble_

Author: I said SHUT UP!

_They oblige_

Author: Thank you! Gosh. Anyways, hello! I have brought you all here so we could all play a little game of truth or dare!

John: sounds fun!

Sollux: what's truth 0r dare

Terezi: 1 DON'T TH1NK 1'V3 H34RD OF 1T B3FOR3!

Author: I didn't think the trolls would have! Basically it's a game where you ask weird questions and dare each other to do funny stuff!

Equius: D - that sounds ridiculous. i don't think a highb100d like myself should engage in such tomf001ery.

Nepeta: :33 oh come on equius! i think it sounds like fun! besides, you would be purrfect for it!

Roxy: so what, we just go aruond in a cirlce and ask each ohter to do stfuf?

*aroudn*

*otter*

Author: Not exactly! See, our audience will be giving you questions and dares!

Tavros: wE, uHH, hAVE AN AUDIENCE,,

Author: Yep!

Eridan: then do wwe givve them dares too? i think i could come up wwith some good ones for filthy landwwellers...

Author: Nope! They just get to watch you embarrass yourselves!

Karkat: THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE WORST GAME IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE

Author: That's the spirit! So let's get started! Readers, I'm counting on you to send in plenty of ideas to get these guys going! Until then, I'll see if I can manage to keep all of them in line! See ya!

**The mysterious author bids you farewell and goes back to manage her horde of house guests and prepare for this awesome game of truth or dare that is about to begin.**

**You find yourself filling up with excitement and anticipation.**

**Or not.**

**To be honest, I have no idea what you're feeling.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The scene opens to a recreation room. The characters of Homestuck are strewn around, doing various activities such as watching TV, playing pool, and using computers. A door is left wide open showing the dining room the previous chapter opened in. **

**Our author is sitting on one of the couches once again on her laptop. It hadn't even been one day since she posted the first chapter, and reviews came rolling in. She takes some time to read them while a fight breaks out by the TV.**

Karkat: NO, NO, NO, AND FUCK NO. WE ARE NOT WATCHING ANOTHER NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE, JOHN.

John: oh come on! these movies are awesome!

Vriska: Shut up, Karkat, I want to watch these. They're 8etter than the crappy romantic movies you want to watch.

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'M THE LEADER, I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT WE WATCH.

Dave: you're not the leader here, fuckwad. but i am getting sick of watching horrible movies.

Jake: Im with john on this one, ive liked every movie so far!

Dirk: That's because you like every movie.

Jake: Thats not true! It just so happens i havent seen a movie yet that i didnt like.

Rose: Will you all shut up? I'm trying to read.

Eridan: honestly, landwwellers can be so fucking annoying.

Author: All of you can shut up! How does that sound? We have a shitload of dares here and I'd like to get them under way!

Karkat: ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN THIS BULLSHIT.

_The cast all stop what they're doing and move over to the author._

Author: Fantastic! Now let's see what we've got.

**Submitted by gracethekat:**

**DARES:  
Karkat:  
Smile! :D  
John and Dave:  
Dave,give John  
your Shades and John,  
give Dave your Glasses XD  
That's All folks! X)**

**Submitted by NachoPerson365:**

**Dave sing call me maybe Eridan dress like a fish o3o**

**Submitted by Katastrophe666:**

**I dare Dave to switch glasses with Terezi for one day!**

**Submitted by Karezi:**

**I dare Karkat to tell everyone one thing he likes about them :]**

Author: Hell. Fucking. Yes. I love this audience.

Feferi: Well dont leave us in t) (e dark!

Author: Alright! I hope they don't mind if I mix a couple of these together. Karkat! Front and center!

_Karkat looks a bit surprised, then stands and sits next to the author on the couch._

Author: The audience has dared you to tell everyone here one think you like about them. And you need to smile while doing it.

_There is a distinct look of surprise on his face._

Karkat: YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

Author: Nope! Do Dave first, I need to set him up for another dare.

Karkat turns to Dave and hesitates. He stares at him for a second, thinking.

Karkat: ALRIGHT... DAVE, I GUESS I-

Nepeta: :33 kar-kitty, you need to smile! that's part of the dare!

He glares at her. If looks could kill, he'd have murdered everyone by now. He pulls off a kind of poker face which could technically be classified as a smile, but you know it hurts him anyways.

Karkat: DAVE, I GUESS I ENJOY YOUR... SICK BEATS...

Author: There ya go! That wasn't so hard, was it?

Dave: have you ever even listened to my music?

Author: Keep going Karkat! Dave, come over here for a second!

_The author and Dave move over to a table, and she begins to show him a song._

Karkat: ALRIGHT, UHH... GOD, I HATE THIS... WELL TEREZI, I LIKE HOW YOU'RE SO DEVOTED TO JUSTICE... AND UM... KANAYA, I LIKE HOW YOU'RE ALWAS SO NICE TO EVERYONE... OH AND GAMZEE, I LIKE HOW YOU CALM ME DOWN WHEN I GET SO MAD...

Vriska: Oh come on! You're taking the easy way out! Try someone harder for you, like Eridan!

Eridan: I wwant to hear this.

Karkat: I'M NOT GIVING A COMPLIMENT TO THAT FUCKING DOUCHE. LIFE WAS BETTER WHEN HE WAS DEAD.

Aradia: be a good sport, Karkat, keep going!

Karkat: OH MY FUCKING GOD, I HATE YOU ALL. ERIDAN, I GUESS I LIKE HOW YOU CAN BE SO SENSITIVE WITH GIRLS, EVEN THOUGH YOU HOLD ONE HELL OF A GRUDGE. SPEAKING OF WHICH, FEFERI, I LIKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM, AND SOLLUX I LIKE YOU'RE PROGRAMMING SKILLS.

_The author comes back and rejoins the group on the couch. Dave is sitting at a computer with headphones in, cringing. Karkat continues going around the group giving very loud and angry compliments, but for the sake of time we'll simply list off what he said._

_He complimented Aradia on her helpfulness in their adventure._

_He complimented Tavros for not committing suicide considering how Vriska treats him._

_He complimented Nepeta on her shipping diagrams._

_He complimented Vriska on all of her amazing skills, though it sounded a bit sarcastic._

_He complimented Equius on his strength, which everyone saw coming._

_He complimented Rose on her leadership._

_He complimented Jade on her commitment to her friends._

_He simply stared on John for a very long time, until the author finally said he could come back to him later when he thought of something._

_He didn't have to do Jake, Jane, Dirk, or Roxy due to the fact that he hardly knows them._

Author: That was very good Karkat. Dave, would you come back over please?

_He takes the headphones out and practically falls over trying to get away from that computer._

Dave: what the hell was that? ill tell you what. that was the absolute worst fucking song in the history of forever.

Author: If you think that was bad, I should have you listen to Friday. But that's beside the point! You have been dared to sing that song.

_He stares at the author in disbelief, then smiles and laughs a little._

Dave: oh i see, you just want to hear my sick beats. alright, ill show you the right way to sing that song.

_He begins to spin his turntables and then busts out a sick remix of "Call Me Maybe" that was probably one of the coolest songs you've ever heard. It was that impressive._

Gamzee: that was pretty motherfuckin rad bro

Tavros: i, uHH, tHOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY COOL,,

Author: That was very cool! Much better than the original. But you aren't done yet! You are a fan favorite! The next dare is for you and John to switch glasses!

_They oblige_

Dave: dude, what the fuck, is your eyesight really this bad?

John: check me out! i look pretty rad, right bro?

Vriska: I like it. Mix it with that outfit I helped you make and we've got something!

Dave: no, you dont look rad. god, i cant see a thing.

Author: You guys are good, you can switch back. But dont get comfortable yet Dave, time to switch your glasses again with Terezi! And this time they stay on for a full 24 hours!

Terezi: 4W3SOM3! 1 G3T TO W34R COOLK1D GL4SS3S!

_She steals them out of Dave's hands and thrusts hers on his face. She licks the glasses a few times, then puts them on and smiles ecstatically._

Dave: terezi, eww, don't like them.

Terezi: WH4T, 1 W4NT3D TO KNOW WH4T TH3Y T4ST3D L1KE!

Dave: oh my god.

_He puts her glasses on._

Dave: what the fuck, you and john both have useless glasses!

Terezi: SHUT UP, 1TS NOT L1K3 1 N33D TO S33 OUT OF TH3M.

Jade: dave, dont worry, ill help you get around with those on! we dont need you bumping into walls all the time.

Author: Remember, keep those on for 24 hours! Now last but definitely not least, I would like Eridan to come with me to the other room please!

_They abscond, leaving everyone there sitting there awkwardly. Terezi babbles on about how cool she must look with Dave's glasses on while Karkat politely tells her to shut the fuck up. A few minutes later they hear a struggle from the other room as the author tries desperately to get Eridan into the fish suit while he cusses her out. After another awkward silence the author comes back in and Eridan reluctantly follows dressed head to toe as a rainbow trout. Everyone in the room starts cracking up._

Eridan: i wwill get all of you back for this, i swwear...

Sollux: lighten up, fishface, laugh at y0urself a little!

Eridan: shut the fuck up. howw long do i havve to keep this on?

Author: 24 hours, just like with Terezi and Dave!

_Feferi leans over to the author._

Feferi: (does t) (e dare really say t) (at?)

Author: (hehe, no!)

Feferi: (heehee!)

Author: Well, that's a wrap on this set of dares! Remember audience, we need you to keep sending in dares and questions, so until then see ya!


	3. Chapter 3

**It's a bright, sunny day. The author is on the porch, reading all of the new reviews, smiling. Some of the humans are outside, playing soccer. Kanaya is also on the porch, tending to some of the plants. The remainder of the cast is doing who knows what inside.**

Author: Man, the audience is fast! Lots of reviews in rapid succession. They really want me to dish out more chapters. They aren't giving me very much time to hang out with you guys.

Kanaya: Why Not Take A Break? I Don't See Why You Insist On Continuing To Write.

Author: Cause it's fun. So shut up.

_Kanaya looks at her skeptically, then sighs and moves on with her work. The author gets the reviews ready and stands up._

Author: Come on in, everyone! New reviews!

_Everyone files inside and sits in the dining room. The remainder of the cast from around the house stop what they're doing and follow, some reluctantly._

Author: Good to see everyone together again! Eridan, still digging the outfit.

_He huffs and glares at her._

Author: Don't be like that, you get to take it off soon. Speaking of which, how are you guys doing with your glasses switch Dave?

Dave: i still can't see a fucking thing, thanks.

Author: You're welcome! But it's been 24 hours, so all those dares are officially void.

Eridan: Finally!

_Eridan runs out of the room to get out of his suit. Dave takes off his glasses and switches back with Terezi, who is reluctant to give up Dave's. He takes a moment to wipe off his glasses before putting them back on. Eridan comes back into the room in his normal outfit, still cursing everyone under his breath._

Author: Now that everyone's back to normal, it's time to start the next batch! Let's see what we've got.

**Submitted by Katastrophe666:**

**I dare everyone to (try to) eat red chalk.**

**Submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys:**

**Sollux: truth does he have black feelings for Eridan?  
Nepeta/Karkat dare: switch outfits, and act like the other for 10.53787927 hours**

**Submitted by MusicallyCapricious:**

**Rose: Read "My Immortal" Wait, didn't you write it?  
Sollux: Have a swag off with Dave.  
Sollux (again): Confess an attraction to the nearest male seadweller and stroke his purple hair streak.  
Gamzee: Sing a song about Faygo.**

Author: Did I ever mention how much I love our audience? Because I do. I love them all.

Karkat: OH FUCK. WHAT DID THEY SAY THIS TIME?

Author: Terezi, do you have any red chalk on you?

Terezi: 1 4LW4YS H4V3 R3D CH4LK ON M3! 1T'S TH3 B3ST COLOR 3V3R!

Author: Well this is a dare for everyone! Everybody needs to make an attempt to eat some of it!

Terezi: WH4T? NO! YOU'LL 34T 4LL OF 1T, TH3R3 WONT B3 4NY L3FT FOR M3!

Author: Quit being so selfish and dish out the chalk!

_Terezi continues refusing, so eventually Vriska tears it out of her hands and passes it out._

Jane: This isn't even edible! How do you expect us to eat it?

Author: Just do what Gamzee did.

Everyone turns to Gamzee to see he already ate his chalk and is once again spaced out.

Jake: Well, this is an adventure...

Roxy: brottoms up, jakey!

_Everyone makes some pretty bad attempts to eat it, including the author. Most people just gag. Terezi manages to, claiming she has eaten it before, to the surprise of no one. _

John: that tasted awful.

Rose: Please tell me none of the other dares are like that.

Author: Don't worry! I don't want to do that again either... but up next we have a truth! Although it sort of merges with another dare. Sollux?

Sollux: what?

Author: We need you to "turn to the nearest male seadweller," confess any black feelings for him, and stroke his purple hair streak.

Sollux: 0_0... dammit, i made that face again...

Aradia: heeheehee!

_Sollux walks over to Eridan and stands there awkwardly._

Sollux: uhh... eridan... i... yes, i d0 have black feelings for y0u. y0u are such an ass and i hate y0ur guts.

Eridan: Oh... wwell then...

Sollux: g0d im glad im blind. 0h, right, uhh...

_Sollux awkwardly starts petting Eridan's purple hair streak, then walks back to his seat and sits down._

Author: That was very awkward!

Sollux: ill say.

Author: Moving on! Nepeta and Karkat, your turn!

Nepeta: :33 *ac squeals in delight at the idea of doing a dare with kar-kitty! :33*

Karkat: WHY AM I ALWAYS DOING THESE STUPID DARES?

Author: You being so angry makes you a fan favorite! Now both of you go upstairs and change outfits!

_Nepeta shrieks in delight and drags Karkat up the stairs._

Author: Aww. They're adorable together. While they're doing that, lets do the next one! Rose, I have a book for you!

_The author throws a book across the table to Rose, and she looks it over carefully._

Author: Read up on that and let us know what you thought! (hehehe)

Rose: Okay. I needed something to read anyway.

_She gets up and leaves the room._

Author: Fantastic! We're almost done! Now I-

Nepeta: :33 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! KARKAT YOU LOOK SO ADORABLE!

Karkat: SHUT THE FUCK UP. JUST... SHUT THE FUCK UP.

_Karkat and Nepeta come back down the stairs in each other's outfits. You find you have to agree with Nepeta... Karkat does look very cute in that outfit. Nepeta looks cute too, but she's always adorable._

Author: This fan was very specific about how long you two need to keep those outfits on. Exactly 10.53787927 hours!

Karkat: THAT'S SO FUCKING STUPID.

Author: Two more dares to go! Sollux and Dave, the fans want you to have a swag-off.

Sollux: what in the w0rld is swag?

Dave: its this way you measure your coolness. you shouldnt even bother trying, i would win for sure.

Sollux: 0h i get it. we'll see ab0ut that, strider.

_The then proceed to have one of the best swag-offs in the history of paradox space._

Author: Sorry Sollux, but Dave definitely won that one!

Terezi: W4Y TO GO, COOL K1D!

Dave: good job, bro, you earned my respect.

Sollux: y0u too, man.

Author: Awesome! Let's wrap things up with a little music! Gamzee, do you mind humoring us with a little song about Faygo?

Gamzee: tHaT SoUnDs mOtHeRfUcKiN MiRaCuLoUs mAn

_Jade begins to play her bass as Gamzee serenades the cast about how miraculous faygo is, and the author happily bids you farewell. She mentions something about sending in more truths and dares, but is cut off by the end of this chapter._


	4. Chapter 4

**Outside the mansion thunder booms and rain pours down. Inside, everyone has just gotten done with dinner and the author is once again looking at reviews. Nepeta and Karkat absconded to change back into their own clothing, and the remainder of the cast is busying themselves in the computer lab. Suddenly the power goes out, and groans can be heard throughout the house.**

Author: Oh geez, and my battery is running out. *sigh* I better print out the dares this time.

_She plugs her computer into the printer and manages to print out one review before her laptop battery dies. She curses under her breath._

Author: Well, I hope one review is enough. Which one is this?

**Submitted by XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX:**

**John: Eat nothing but Betty Crocker Products  
Dirk: REVEAL YOUR EYES! And destroy Lil' Cal! :D  
Jake: Sloppy Make-Outs with Dirk and wear a bikini  
Roxy: No drinking for the next 3 chapters! :D  
Karkat: Act like a kitty cat for the whole day and eat crabs!  
Feferi & Eridan: Eat a bunch of sushi!  
Equius: Eridan DEMANDS you love him and be your matesprit. What would you do?  
Jane: Say Roxy's eyes and breasts are an ocean  
Nepeta: Scream Izaya the way Shizuo does. :D  
Jade: Stay locked in a room with Nepeta & Jaspersprite  
Dave: Compliment John's booty :3  
Rose: Rip up all your wizard fanfictions  
Terezi: Rub Karkat's Horns for half an hour  
Kanaya: Touch. Rose's. Boobs. XD  
Gamzee: Go Sober in a room you can't get out of unless the author lets you out. :3  
Sollux: EAT THE MIND HONEY!  
Author: Hug me ;3;  
That's all for now! :D**

Author: Shit bro, you covered pretty much everyone! This is going to be so fucking awesome. HEY EVERYONE, FILE INTO THE DINING ROOM! WE'VE GOT A SHITLOAD OF DARES HERE!

_The cast makes their way to the dining room, which is currently being lit by various candles. Rain is pounding against the window and makes it impossible to see outside._

Author: How's everybody doing?

Rose: I was doing fine until you made me read this book. This is the worst thing I've ever read.

Author: Hee hee, that's kinda the point! Anyways, sorry about the power. Sets a good mood though!

Tavros: tHAT'S OKAY, yOU CAN'T REALLY CONTROL THE WEATHER,,

Author: Thanks Tavros! I managed to get an awesome list of dares printed before my laptop died, so we'll easily be able to pass the time! We have now entered the dare zone. You have been warned.

Eridan: Stop stalling and get started already.

Author: Fine! Gosh. This first one is a nice, simple start. John, from here on out, you are forbidden from eating anything except Betty Crocker products.

John: ...

Rose: John?

John: ...

Dave: oh god i think you broke him.

_John: Mental Breakdown_

Jane: What's the big deal? There's nothing wrong with Betty Crocker products!

Roxy: janey you need to stop bieng so niave. just cause youer the heir to the cooperation doenst mean eveything about it is good.

oops, *naeve*

John: she's the heir to the what?

Dave: dammit roxy.

_John: Continue Mental Breakdown_

Author: Haha, okay, moving on. If someone can calm John down, that would be appreciated. Alright, next up, Dirk! We want to see your eyes, bro, take off your glasses!

Dirk: Alright.

_Without hesitation, he takes off his glasses. Surprisingly, he looks pretty normal. A bit like Dave._

Author: Awesome. Now destroy Cal.

Dirk: What? No way, Cal's cool. I would never hurt him.

Author: Destroy him. Destroy him now. Just throw him in the fire place, right there. Come on.

Dirk: Dude, no.

Author: Yes!

Dirk: No!

Author: Yes!

Dirk: No!

Author: Yes!

Dirk: Fine, fine!

_Very reluctantly, Dirk moves over to the fireplace. He gives Cal one last fist bump and looks away, then tosses him in. The fire hisses._

Author: Very good! We are burning through these dares! And the next one is absolutely priceless. Jake, you're up!

Jake: Oh, yes! Finally!

Author: I need you to go put on a bikini.

Jake: ... oh my... *loosens collar*

Author: Well? Go! Go!

Jake: uhh... right...

_Jake absconds with his face turning red. Roxy elbows Jane a couple times, but she's blushing almost as much as Jake._

Author: Let's do another while we wait for him. Someone wanna help me hide all the alcohol?

Roxy: wait what?

Kanaya: I Will

Author: Thanks! Let's go.

Roxy: what the fuck are you doign?

_Kanaya and the author head to the kitchen and grab all the bottles of alcohol they can carry. Roxy follows them shouting while still holding a bottle of vodka, and Vriska comes up behind her and keeps her pinned as she flails and screams. The author and Kanaya went to hide the bottles in an unknown location._

Author: Sorry darling, but no more drinks for you for three more chapters! God I would not want to be you tomorrow morning.

Roxy: but... but...

Jane: Oh come on, you can go three chapters without a drink!

Roxy: no! no i cant!

Jake: um... alright, i put on the bikini...

_Jake shyly walks into the room in a bright pink bikini. Everyone except Jane starts to crack up, and Jake blushes even more._

Author: Hahaha, that's a good look for you! Now go make out with Dirk!

Jake: What?

Jane: What?!

Dirk: ...

Author: And make it sloppy.

_Many of the characters in the room are trying not to crack up._

Jake: I... dont know if i can do that...

Dirk: I destroyed Cal bro, that was major. You can do this one little thing, right?

_Jane slams her head down on the table. Roxy pats her on the back._

Jake: Well... okay...

_Jake walks over to Dirk and hesitantly kisses him. Dirk then grabs him starts making out with him, much to everyone's delight. Roxy continues to comfort Jane, who refuses to look until it's over._

Dirk: That wasn't so, bad was it?

Jake: I... I guess not...

Author: Alright, alright! Jake you may go change back into your clothes. Jane, you mind whipping up some seafood for us?

Jane: Anything is better than this.

_She seems way too excited to get out of that room. A little while later she comes back in with a plate of steaming crab and a platter of sushi._

Author: Wow, nice work! Now Karkat, eat this crab and then act like a cat for 24 hours.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK. THE AUDIENCE CAN'T GIVE ME A BREAK.

_He grabs the crab and starts eating it like he doesn't give a fuck. Because he doesn't._

Nepeta: :33 dont forget to act like a cat! h33 h33 h33!

Karkat: MEOW.

Author: Good Karkat! Good kitty! Now lets get some aquatic action here! Eridan, Feferi, you two need to eat all this sushi.

Eridan: Fine.

_He pops a roll into his moth. Feferi gasps._

Feferi: -ERIDAN! ) (ow can you just do t) (at? t) (at's an innocent sea creature!

Eridan: What? It's already dead, no harm done.

Feferi: ) (OW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

Sollux: fef, calm d0wn!

Author: Come on, Feferi, you need to eat some too.

Feferi: do i really ) (ave to?

Sollux: d0nt w0rry, ill help y0u. cl0se y0ur eyes.

_She looks extremely distraught, but closes her eyes nonetheless. Sollux feeds her one piece of sushi and she looks like she's going to barf._

Feferi: t) (anks sollux...

Sollux: y0u alright?

Feferi: i feel a bit sick, but ot) (er t) (an t) (at im fine...

Author: Good job! Stiff upper lip! Now Janey, you haven't been embarrassed enough yet, so come here!

Jane: Oh my god why.

_Jane walks over, and the author whispers something in her ear. Jane suddenly has a look of shock and begins to blush again._

Jane: Please no. Haven't I died enough already? Why do you have to make it worse?

Author: Oh come on! She's your best friend! It's not that awkward!

Roxy: ooo, janey, does yuors have to do wtih me?

Author: Besides, she's still drunk! She won't even remember tomorrow!

Jane: Everyone else will!

Author: Just do it!

_Jane sighs and sits back down next to Roxy, blushing a red as Karkat's blood. She mumbles something under her breath._

Roxy: what was that, janey?

Author: Loud enough for everyone to hear!

Jane: I said that your breasts and your eyes are an ocean, Roxy! There, I said it!

_Jake had just entered the room when she said that. They lock eyes for a moment, then Jane promptly stands up and exits the room without any emotion or comment._

Jake: Did i do something wrong?

Roxy: janey, come on! dont be taht way!

_Roxy chases after her leaving everyone else in the room in an awkward silence._

Author: Oookay then. Nepeta, you had a dare, but do to the fact that it makes no sense to me I'm going to move on. You're in the next dare anyway. One second!

_The author leaves the room for a few minutes and returns with a newly appearified Jaspersprite._

Jaspersprite: Rose!

Rose: Jaspers! Good to see you!

Author: I brought Jaspers here for the next dare! Jaspers, Nepeta, and Jade, follow me!

_The author leads them all to a secluded room that can only be opened from the outside and locks them all in._

Author: Have fun you guys!

Jade: wait, wait, wait! this is a bad idea! this is a very very VERY bad idea! nepeta, jaspers, please understand i have absolutely no problems with you and think you're both very nice people!

Nepeta: :33 *ac looks at jade in a very confused way*

Jaspersprite: Meow meow meow!

Jade: grrrrrr...

Nepeta: :33 ohhhhhh...

Jade: dammit! grrrr...

Author: Hee hee! I'll check on them later.

_The author makes her way back to the table and re-lights a few candles that went out._

Author: Next up! Dave, compliment John's but! I want to get through these a little faster, this is taking a while!

Dave: whoa, okay then. john, your butt doesnt look as bad as karkat's.

John: well thanks, dave!

Karkat: HEY!

Author: Awesome! Hey Rose, you know you're wizard fan-fiction?

Karkat: I'M NOT DONE YET!

Author: Shut the fuck up, Karkat.

Rose: Yes, what about it?

Author: Rip it up.

Rose: Really? That's my dare?

Author: Yeah.

Rose: I thought it would be more eventful. I don't mind ripping it up, most of it sucks.

_She takes out her book and rips the pages out, then tears them to little pieces._

Rose: That's really all I get to do?

Author: You're in another dare coming up, don't worry.

Vriska: gosh, how many more of these are there?

Author: Five more, and they're pretty fast. Next up, Terezi! You have been dared to rub Karkat's horns for a straight half an hour!

Terezi: SUR3, BUT WH4T 1F 1 3ND UP W34R1NG TH3M DOWN 4ND M4K1NG TH3M 3V3N NUBB13R?

Karkat: WHY DOES THE AUDIENCE HATE ME?

Author: Terezi, I don't think that will be a problem. Now get started!

_Terezi moves to sit next to Karkat and begins to rub his horns while Karkat slams his head down on the table._

Terezi: OH K4RK4T COM3 ON, 1TS NOT TH4T B4D.

_Karkat groans._

Author: Now for Kanaya! This one's a bit awkward, but hilarious! Kanaya, touch Rose's breasts!

_The humans in the room all gasp. Rose blushes a little._

Kanaya: Why Gasp? I Don't See What The Big Deal Is.

_She goes over to Rose and touches both her breasts, and Rose jumps back. The humans all stare at Kanaya._

Kanaya: What? Is There Some Sort Of Custom Here I'm Missing?

Rose: Uhh... yeah...

John: this is really awkward. you know how trolls have weird issues with cleaning supplies?

Kanaya: Yes

John: its like that.

Kanaya: Oh... Oh My... I'm Sorry Rose...

Rose: It's fine you didn't know lets just move on and forget about it okay!

Kanaya: ...

Author: Wow that was priceless. I just realized I skipped one earlier, so lets go back to it. Equius!

Equius: D - What?

Author: We have a truth for you. If Eridan demanded that you love him and be his matesprit, what would you do?

Equius: D - Uhh... uhh... I... I need a towel... where is Nepeta with the towels when you need her?

Author: Probably getting mauled by dog-Jade.

Equius: D - What?!

Author: Don't change the subject! What would you answer?

Equius: D - I would need to think about it, I suppose, I've never put thought into feelings for someone of a higher b100d before, but is Nepeta okay?!

Author: She's fine, Jade wouldn't kill her. Probably. Gamzee, you mind coming with me for a moment?

Gamzee: ...

Author: Gamz?

Gamzee: oH WhAt sOrRy i sPaCeD OuT

Author: That's fine, just come with me.

_The author leads Gamzee to a room like the one she put Jade in, and locks him in._

Gamzee: mOtHeRfUcK BrO, wHaT ArE YoU DoInG

Author: No more faygo or pie for you, Gamz, sorry!

Gamzee: ... wHaT?

Author: For the next one, I may need to lock Sollux in a room too...

The author brings Sollux to another room and gives him a glass of tea with mind honey in it. Once he takes a sip, she ducks out of the room and locks the door behind her.

Sollux: what... what did y0u put in this... what... is this... is this the mind h0ney?

Author: ... maaaaaaaaybe...

Sollux: y0u d0 n0t... under any circumstances... EAT THE MIND H0NEY!

Author: Oh shit.

_Something in the room explodes and the author races as quick as she can back to the others._

Tavros: iS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?

Author: Fine! Everything's fine!

_Another explosion shakes the house._

Author: Everything is absolutely positively fine!

_Everyone in the room looks at her skeptically._

Author: ... nobody sleep upstairs.

_Everyone continues to stare._

Author: Anyways, one more dare to go! And this one's for me!

_The author stands up and walks over to XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX who has apparently been standing in the corner the whole time and gives them a hug._

Author: Thanks for such awesome dares! And sorry to everyone for such a long chapter, but you have to admit it was fun! Keep sending in ideas!


	5. Chapter 5

**The scene opens to the mansion early in the morning the next day. There's still water dripping from the leaves as result of the storm last night, but everything has calmed down. The cast is slowly waking up to the smell of breakfast wafting to the kitchen. The author steps out of the bathroom after a nice warm shower and opens the door leading to the room Jade, Nepeta, and Jaspersprite. They had been making a fuss throughout the entire evening, and the author figures they've had enough. **

Author: Hey. Hey, Nepeta. Up and at 'em.

The author shakes her gently to get her awake. Her eyes open slightly and she yawns adorably.

Nepeta: :33 *ac suddenly remembers the events of last night and jumps*

Author: It's alright, you can leave now. And you know none of that was Jade's fault, right?

Nepeta: :33 *ac nods and looks to see if jaspers is all right*

Author: He's fine, wanna go get him?

_Nepeta runs over and wakes up jaspers, and the two of them leave quietly. The author then moves over to Jade, who is barking in her sleep._

Author: Aww. Hey Jade! Wake up darling!

Jade: huh? what?

Author: Want some breakfast? We're having bacon.

Jade: oh! yes please!

_She runs past the author and goes downstairs, leaving the author to go wake up Sollux. They both rejoin the cast in the dining room. Everyone is enjoying a breakfast of bacon and sausage, except for John who was forced to eat pancakes. Much to his regret._

Roxy: i really need a drink.

Jane: I think this is good for you. Maybe you'll finally realize life is perfectly fine without being drunk 24/7.

Roxy: just... shut up. i am really hungover right now.

Dave: no dip.

John: are you sure i cant have any bacon?

Vriska: Quit whining, eg8ert! Gimme one of your pancakes, these things are good.

John: take as many as you want.

Jane: Oh come on John! I made those specifically for you, you could show a little appreciation!

John: oh wait! i didnt mean it like that! trust me, i really like how you made these for me and everything...

Jane: Oh shush! I'm kidding!

John: oh! ha ha. well i suppose this dare isnt too bad... at least i didnt have to wear a bikini!

Jake: Oh ha ha.

Eridan: wwatching all of you bicker is very entertaining.

Karkat: I ACTUALLY AGREE WITH HIM ON THIS ONE.

Tavros: uM, tHANK YOU, jANE, fOR MAKING BREAKFAST,,

Jane: My pleasure!

Feferi: so are we going to do more dares? you know, ones t) (at arent as crazy as t) (e ones last nig) (t!

Sollux: yeah, last night sucked.

Author: Well, I think we have some better ones this morning. These people are sending in reviews like there's no tomorrow.

Aradia: wait, you didn't get gamzee!

Author: You want me to go get him?

Karkat: NO! NO! JEGUS NO! HE'S DEFINETLY GONE INSANE BY NOW! YOU WOULD BE FUCKING CRAZY TO LET HIM OUT!

Aradia: alrighty then.

Author: Lets do a few more dares, shall we?

**NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys, I'll put yours in the next chapter. Don't ask me why cause I don't know.**

**Submitted by Gilbird-For-President:**

**This is getting really funny!  
Now I have one!**

(Truth) Nepeta: what is your OTP? You can only choose one!

**Submitted by plasticjungle:**

**I don't even like Truth or Dare fanfics, but I am reading this and I don't know why.  
Okay, the dares are:**

Dirk: Drink the same amount of alcohol Roxy drank yesterday.  
Roxy: Kiss Eridan. (I don't even ship this it would just be hilarious.)  
Jade: Imitate Dave the whole day.

Questions:  
Tavros: "How do you put up with Vriska everyday?"  
Gamzee: "If you had to kill someone from this room who would you kill?"  
Vriska: "Why are you so mean?" (Honest answer.)

**Submitted by TheNerdGirl:**

**I have either-or questions, which are kind or like truths, but what ever  
Karkat- redrom feelings for Terezi or Nepeta?  
Terezi- redrom feelings for Karkat or Dave?  
Sollux- redrom feelings for Feferi or Aradia?  
John- flushed or pale feelings for Karkat?  
Eridan- blackrom feelings for Sollux or Karkat?  
Vriska- blackrom feelings for Terezi, or Tavros  
Tavros- redrom feelings for Vriska or Gamzee?  
Gamzee- Would you either have all of Alternia's faygo and no sobor slime, or all of Alternia's sobor slime, and no faygo?**

**Submitted by R4zorSt4r:**

**This will be fun... *Evilgrin***

Karkat: If you were to have to kiss someone in the room, who would it be? Whether you must kiss them or not is up to the author

Karkat is so much fun to torture :D

Author: He is. He is so much fun to torture.

Dave: who?

Author: Guess.

Dave: karkat?

Author: Yup.

Dave: ah.

Author: We will have an easy time today! Most of these are truths for once! I think this is going to be fun! First question: Nepeta, what is your one true pairing?

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33! well...

_She looks at Karkat and blushes. Karkat's eyes widen._

Nepeta: :33 im not going to lie! it would be me and kar-kitty!

Karkat: UHH...

Author: That's the spirit Nepeta! Lying makes this game no fun! We have three total dares today, and none of them are too extreme, so why don't we get those over with? Kanaya, go get... um... Roxy, how much did you drink yesterday?

Roxy: ugh, i dont know! probably like three bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka...

Jane: That is so bad for you! You are murdering your liver!

Author: Well, you heard her Kanaya! Do you mind going to get the equivalent of that?

Kanaya: I Don't Mind At All.

_She leaves for a moment and returns with a bunch of bottles in her arms. Roxy perks up and begins to get excited._

Roxy: yes! the alcohol has returned!

Author: Don't get excited, this isn't for you! This is for Dirk.

Dirk: Whoa, wait. I don't drink.

Author: But that's your dare! You need to drink as much alcohol as Roxy did yesterday!

Dirk: You have got to be joking.

Author: Nope!

_Dirk sighs and opens one of the bottles of wine. He takes a sip from the bottle and sticks his tounge out in disgust._

Author: Keep that up! All of that better be gone by the end of the day!

Dirk: Ugh.

Roxy: you are torturing me so much right now.

Author: Well, to help you take your mind off it, you can do your next dare! Go make out with the fish boy!

Eridan: wwhat?

Roxy: if it would get you all to just shut up, fine.

_She walks over to Eridan, picks him up off the ground, and kisses him. He immediatly recoils and starts spewing swears at her, but she just goes back by Jane and buries her face in her hands. Jane pats her on the back sympathetically._

Author: Well yay. Way to go. Now Jade, guess what? I think you'll like this one.

Jade: ooo, what?

Author: You have been dared to act like Dave for the entire day! Here, I even have an extra pair of sunglasses for you to wear!

Jade: that sounds like so much fun!

The author tosses her a pair of sunglasses and she puts them on excitedly.

Jade: how do i look dave? :)

Dave: actually not bad. definitely better than egbert did.

John: i looked cool and you know it!

Jade: okay, okay, i need to act like dave! umm...

John: start rapping really bad. like as bad as he does.

Dave: shut the hell up egbert.

Jade: umm... hee hee! oh i cant take this seriously! okay okay okay... what's goin on bros? how all of you doing?

Dave: this may take some work.

Jade: woof!

Dave: oh my god...

Author: And that's it for today's dares! That wasn't so bad. Back to the truths! Tavros, darling, the next question is for you.

Tavros: oH, oKAY,

Author: Alright, how do you put up with Vriska everyday?

Vriska: Hey!

Author: Shush, it's not your turn.

Tavros: wELL, uHH, i GUESS BECAUSE I DONT REALLY HAVE A CHOICE,,,

Author: What do you mean?

Tavros: i'VE TRIED TO AVOID HER BEFORE, bUT SHE ALWAYS KEEPS BUGGING ME,

Vriska: I make your pathetic little life 8etter and you know it!

Author: Shut UP Vriska! Thank you for sharing, Tavros.

Tavros: yOU'RE WELCOME,

Author: Next up, Gam... shit.

Terezi: WH4T?

Author: I need to go get Gamzee... so... Karkat, you wanna come with me? You might need to calm him down...

Karkat: FUCK, THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. I GUESS I CAN TRY.

_The author and Karkat make their way to the room the author locked Gamzee in and she opens it slowly. They see Gamzee sitting in a corner facing the wall. The author nods at Karkat and he shows her the bird and starts moving toward him very quietly._

Karkat: HEY BUDDY...

Gamzee: honk.

Karkat: ...

Gamzee: HONK.

_Karkat has never been more scared in his life. He moves up behind Gamzee and pats him on the head once, and Gamzee starts to spaz out. The author freaks out and locks the door, and noises of shooshs and honks can be heard for a good ten minutes._

Karkat: ALRIGHT, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, HE'S GOOD NOW.

Author: You sure?

Karkat: I SURE AS FUCK HOPE SO.

_The author opens the door and Karkat calmly leads Gamzee out and brings him downstairs. The author follows from a distance._

Author: Well, now that that's taken care of, I suppose we can move on and ask Gamzee his dammit Kanaya! Put the chainsaw away!

Kanaya: Hmph.

She reluctantly changes her chainsaw back into lipstick.

Author: As I was saying, Gamzee you mind answering a little question for us?

Gamzee: i guess not, sister.

Author: If you had to kill someone here, who would you kill?

_The author facepalms with the stupidity of the question she just asked._

Author: Don't carry it out just tell us please!

Gamzee: I'D KILL EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER.

Karkat: SHOOOOOOOOOOSH!

Author: One person please, Gamz!

Gamzee: then i guess the first one on my list would be kanaya, bro

Kanaya: You Can Try.

Author: Let's move on, shall we? Hehehe... uh... Vriska! The audience wants you to honestly tell them why you're so mean.

Vriska: Mean? I'm not me8n! If I weren't 8ggressive with people, how would they ever get any stronger? I'm just helping everyone out and m8king their pathetic lives a little 8etter!

Terezi: OH PL34S3!

Tavros: yOU DON'T REALLY HELP VERY MUCH,,,

Vriska: You can 8oth just go stuff it!

Author: Well, I suppose that WAS honest... next question! One fan sent us a batch of either-or questions. Firstly, Karkat! Do you have red feelings for Terezi or Nepeta? Choose one!

Karkat: YOU JUST WANT ME TO SPEW OUT MY FEELINGS TO EVERYONE HERE?

Author: Please, it's not that bad. A lot of characters are going to have to do that in some future chapters, just look at some of the reviews! Poor Jane...

Jane: Wait what?

Author: Anyways, answer please Karkat!

Karkat: UHH... WELL... IT'S BEEN TEREZI FOR A WHILE...

Nepeta: :33 *ac lowers her ears and looks away, blushing*

Karkat: I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS NEPETA, THAT'S JUST BEEN HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING LATELY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT VERY SURE HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!

Author: Moving on! Terezi, red feelings for Karkat or Dave?

Terezi: W3LL, COOL K1D OF COURS3! K4RK4T'S B33N DR1V1NG M3 NUTS L4T3LY.

Dave: wait what?

Karkat: DAMMIT TEREZI I'M TRYING!

Author: This is so much fun. Next, Sollux! Red feelings for Aradia or Feferi?

Sollux: well... both... when aradia left i figured i w0uldnt see her again and had to m0ve on... but i really l0ve fef... i suppose she's pr0bably my main answer...

Feferi: o) ( sollux, you sweet) (eart!

Sollux: i guess i think of aradia as m0re of a friend... a really g0od friend...

Aradia: that's how i think of you too, sollux!

Sollux: perfect.

Author: Aww! Sollux you are a sweetheart! Now John! Do you have flushed or pale feelings for Karkat?

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK!

John: i already said im not a homosexual...

Author: But if you had to choose one?

John: i think pale is less serious, right? is that how all that quadrant stuff works? ill go with pale.

_Karkat pulls off a mean facepalm x2 combo._

Author: We are whipping through these! Truths are nice and simple.

Karkat: SO YOU KEEP SAYING.

Author: Eridan! Black feelings for Sollux or Karkat?

Eridan: sollux.

Author: Wow, quick response.

Eridan: he's an asshole.

Author: Cool. Next up! Vriska, black feelings for Terezi or Tavros?

Vriska: I tried Tavros and that failed misera8ly. I'd have to choose Terezi.

Terezi: FUCK YOU TOO.

Author: Yay, kismesiship! Fun fun fun! Wait, how is fun spelled wrong? Shut the fuck up windows I'll write what I want. Tavroooooooos! Red feelings for Vriska or Gamzee?

Tavros: uHH, nEITHER,,, i HAVEN'T EVEN CONSIDERED GAMZEE,,,

Gamzee: WHY THE MOTHERFUCK NOT?

Tavros: ,,,

Gamzee: sorry bro, it's cool. do what you want.

Tavros: tHANKS?

Author: Karkat, make sure you keep calming him down. Speaking of, Gamzee! Would you rather have all of Alternia's faygo or all their sobor slime?

Gamzee: MOTHERFUCKIN FAYGO MAN!

Author: Yeah, I love faygo too! One more question people! And it's for Karkat.

Karkat: OF FUCKING COURSE. WHY DO I EVEN GET MY HOPES UP ANYMORE.

Author: If you could kiss anyone in the room, who would it be?

Karkat: OH GOD.

Author: And then you have to kiss them.

Karkat: WHY? WHY ME?

Author: You make it too easy!

Karkat: FINE. I WOULD KISS JASPERSPRITE.

Jaspersprite: Meow!

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33! i would too!

_Karkat stands up, walks over to jaspersprite, kisses him uneventfully, and sits back down._

Author: Well, I suppose that's all for now! And trust me, I'm writing these chapters as fast as I can manage. I spent the majority of my Sunday afternoon on chapter 4 alone! You people need to slow down a bit with the reviews, no matter how funny they are! Anyways, see ya!


	6. Chapter 6

**Whoa, Kaiyna, two chapters posted in rapid succession? Why would you do that?**

**Fuck you that's why.**

**You know I'm joking, I love you guys. I'm just trying to keep up. Enjoy!**

**It's the middle of the afternoon. The cast is all watching Avatar inside, much to Jake's delight. Dirk actually chose this one out, though it may have to do with the four bottles of alcohol in his system. It's a bit cloudy outside, but no rain. Yet. The author just got done writing chapter 5 when she started on this, due to the relentless reviewing of her audience.**

Jake: This movie is so cool.

John: i totally agree! why havent i seen it before?

Vriska: I would have preferred to watch something with Nic Cage in it, 8ut I guess this isn't bad...

John: man you really like nic cage!

Dirk: Will you all shut up? I'm triyng to watch a moive over here!

Dave: you are really unbearable drunk!

Dirk: suht up!

Jade: yeah bro, you need to lay off the liquor! (was that good dave?)

Dave: (better)

Jade: (yay!)

Author: What reviews should we do now?

**Submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys:**

**Dare Sollux/Terezi: have a stare off  
Truth Eridan: why does he wear the hipster glasses? Also what fabric is his cape made of?  
Dare Rose: knit Eridan a cape.  
Dare eridan: wear the knit cape, be the rider.  
Dare Equis: do ten cow-tows to Karkat while repeating 'all hail the red blood'. Do not sweat at all during this procedure.  
XD**

**Submitted by ZanyZ:**

**Karkat: I dare you to be Eridans personal Butler for 24 hours  
Eridan: I dare you to be as nice and pleasent as possible to everyone for 48 hours  
And. Finally,  
nepeta: truth: whaat is your favorite ship?**

**Submitted by inyourdreams259:**

**Aradia & Sollux have to be duck taped to eachother in a werid position, for 12hours :3  
-IYD**

**Submitted by XxParadoxedxX:**

**Karkat has to run around for 6 hours screaming "HOLY SHIT MY HANDS ARE HOT POCKETS!"**

Author: 6 hours?! That's a bit too much for everyone, not just Karkat. I hope it's no problem, but I think I'll make it 6 minutes.

**XxParadoxedxX: No.**

Author: Yes.

**XxParadoxedxX: No!**

Author: Yes!

**XxParadoxedxX: No!**

Author: Yes!

Rose: Are you arguing with your computer?

Author: Not anymore!

**XxParadoxedxX: Fine.**

Author: Anyways...

_The author picks up the remote and pauses the movie. Many people groan._

Author: We have a bunch more dares to do people! Get your priorities straight!

Jake: I had my priorities straight! Then you went and paused number one.

Author: Shoosh! The faster we get through these, the faster the audience will be satisfied, and the faster you can get back to your movie!

Jake: Ugh, fine!

Author: Alright, first dare! Sollux and Terezi, have a stare off!

Sollux: what's a stare off?

Terezi: 1S TH1S 4 JOK3? 4R3 YOU MOCK1NG A BL1ND G1RL?

Author: Not me, the audience. Basically you two stare at each other until one of you blinks. Dave you wanna judge?

Dave: this is stupid.

Author: Thank you! Terezi, take off your glasses!

_Terezi takes off her glasses and sits across from Sollux. The author counts down and they start to stare at each other. After a few minutes of silence, the author sighs._

Author: This is getting nowhere fast. Dave, let us know if one of them blinks, but until then let's keep going. Now Eridan, we have a truth for you! Why do you where those hipster glasses?

Eridan: wwhat's hipster?

Author: God dammit. Just why that style of glasses?

Eridan: i'vve had these for a long time. i wwear them because they look good, so fuck off.

Author: Jegus, attitude man. And what material is your cape made out of?

Eridan: oh, only the most wwell crafted fabrics avvailible to anyone on Alternia, wwhy do you ask?

_He smirks._

Author: God you are an ass. Next up, Rose! Put this bastard in his place and knit him a new cape!

Rose: With pleasure. ;)

Dave: god, don't wink!

Rose: ;)

Dave: stop it!

Author: So yeah, go do that.

_Rose grabs her knitting supplies and starts working on a new purple cape for Eridan while he scowls at the author._

Author: Next up, Equius! You've been dared to do ten... what was it? Oh, cow-tows to Karkat while repeating "All hail the red-b100d." You are not to sweat at all during this.

Equius: D - There is no way I can do that. It is e%tremely humiliating.

Author: Equius, I am the highest authority here. Are you disobeying a direct order?

Equius: D - Uhh... no... Nepeta, a towel please.

She hands him a fresh towel and he starts to wipe himself off.

Equius: D - Fine, I will indulge in this activity.

_Equius obliges with the dare and begins to perform it with Karkat sitting there awkwardly. The remainder of the cast does their best not to laugh, although Dirk can't help himself._

Author: That was awkward and humiliating! Good job!

Equius: D - Thank you...

He grabs another towel from Nepeta. He didn't sweat during the dare but he was sure as hell sweating afterward.

Author: Up next, Karkat, you-

Karkat: FUUUUUUUCK

Author: Yes, your life is horrible, why does this happen to you, blah blah blah. You have been dared to be Eridan's butler for 24 hours!

_Eridan perks up and smiles._

Eridan: i havven't had a butler in a wwhile. this wwill be satisfying.

Karkat: OH MY FUCKING GOOOOD.

Author: But, on top of that, Eridan must be nice to everyone for 48 hours.

_Eridan's smile disappears in a flash and Karkat starts cracking up._

Karkat: HAHAHAHAHA! FINALLY A BREAK! WHAT NOW ASSHOLE?

Eridan: you'vve got to be kidding me!

Author: Nope! Hey Rose, done with the cape yet?

Rose: Just finished. ;)

Dave: whyyy?

Author: Now Eridan, wear the cape. Be the rider.

Eridan: wwhat does that evven mean?

Author: Nobody's really sure. Do it anyway.

Rose: He can't maplehoof isn't here.

Author: Aw shit. I'm not going to take the time to warm up the appearifier, either... ah well. Wear the cape anyways.

Eridan: this thing is a piece of shi-

Author: Be nice!

Eridan: fuck you.

Author: Eridan...

Eridan: fine, fine! this cape is... alright... i guess...

Rose: Thank you.

Author: For the next request... god dammit, people, she answered this question last chapter.

Jade: what question, yo?

_Dave shakes his head._

Author: They want to know Nepeta's favorite ship. She said her and Karkat this morning.

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33, right!

Author: Okay, what's next? Umm... oh my! Hahahaha! Anyone have some duct tape?

Roxy: yeah, here.

_She tosses it over._

Author: Awesome! I'm gonna need some help on this one. The next dare is for Aradia and Sollux to be duct taped together in an awkward position for 12 hours!

Dirk: I cna think of some akwrad positoins! Hehehe!

Author: Dammit Dirk, this story is rated T!

Dirk: Oh fiiiiiine! Patry pooper.

Jane: Back-to-back would be pretty awkward.

Vriska: We could tape Sollux's feet to Aradia's head!

Gamzee: WHY NOT TAPE THEIR MOTHERFUCKIN HANDS TOGETHER?

Author: Oooo, good idea Gamz!

_The author makes Sollux and Aradia face each other and grab each other's hands. She then duct tapes them together excessively, much to their regret._

Aradia: this is going to cause some problems...

Sollux: h0w are we supposed to eat?

Feferi: don't worry! i'll ) (elp any way i can!

Sollux: thanks fef.

Author: Well, it's just about time to wrap this up! Just one more little dare for Karkat!

Karkat: WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAINDEAD AUDIENCE?! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK!

Gamzee: whoa bro, chill the motherfuck out. take a deep breath.

_Karkat does so._

Karkat: THANKS GAMZEE, I NEEDED THAT.

Author: Run around for 6 minutes screaming "HOLY SHIT MY HANDS ARE HOT POCKETS!"

Karkat: FUCK. YOU. ALL.

_He starts to do so, although unenthusiastically. The author bids you farewell as she starts the movie back up the cast all settle back down._


	7. Chapter 7

**It's dark out, and a full moon is shining down on the mansion. The cast is currently playing capture the flag, with the red team in the front yard and the blue team in the back. The author and Jaspersprite are keeping an eye on everything from the roof. The teams are as follows:**

**Red: Rose, Jade, Jake, Tavros, Karkat, Nepeta, Vriska, Equius, Gamzee, and Feferi.**

**Blue: John, Dave, Jane, Roxy, Dirk, Aradia, Sollux, Kanaya, Terezi, and Eridan.**

**Why I told you the teams, I'll never know. It really doesn't matter. Their game will be interrupted soon anyways. By you. Hahahaha! XD**

Jake: Guys! He got the flag, stop him!

Jade: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Karkat: HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO STOP HIM, HE'S FLYING! DAMMIT, WE AGREED ON NO POWERS!

John: wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Author: We agreed on no time and space powers, Karkat, but John is allowed to fly!

Vriska: I'll get him!

_Vriska flies after John and tackles him in mid-air. They fall onto the roof and slide down it until they fall to the ground with a thump._

Author: Oooo, that was pretty aggressive! Do you think that was foul play, Jaspers?

Jaspersprite: Well it was fun! :3

Author: It was. It was fun.

Jane: John, are you okay?

_Vriska rolls off John and they're both cracking up._

John: hahahahaha! that was awesome, vriska!

Vriska: I am an expert at this game!

Feferi: come on, vriska, bring t) (e flag back!

Vriska: Comin!

Author: Whoa, hold up people!

_The author slides off the roof and sticks the landing in a very impressive way._

Author: We need to take a break from the game to do a few more reviews!

Kanaya: Okay, I Could Use A Break.

Author: Everyone gather in the backyard!

_The cast all gathers and lights a bonfire. Everyone's having fun and laughing while the author pulls up more reviews on her laptop._

**Submitted by Carrotfarmer208:**

**H3H3H3  
Here's some good ones :]  
Eridan: I dare you to show everyone what you look like without the hipster pants and glasses.  
Kanaya: I dare you to help Eridan with his makeover.  
Terezi: ENGAGE IN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS WITH KARKAT (no matter what he says) XD  
Gamzee: I dare you to go put on one of Kanaya's outfits.**

**Submitted by vampiregirl1700:**

**Tavros: make out with Gamzee for 5 minutes.  
Dirk: dress like a girl  
John: slap Karkat and call him a ho  
Dave: squish Vriska's butt and sing "Big Booty Bitches"  
Nepeta: Be mean to Equius for a day.  
Karkat: eat a sopor pie.**

**Submitted by gracethekat:**

**Me again! XD  
Dares! :D  
EVERYBODY:  
Turn into cats  
for 2 chapters! X)  
NEPETA:  
You turn into a  
dog,ok? CX**

**Submitted by Homestucker:**

**alright.  
dave: kiss jade on the lips  
dave and or dirk: throw your shades in the fire.  
jane: tell jake your feelings (no lying this time!)**

**Submitted by katastrophe:**

**I dare Karkat to sit in a pile of buckets for two chapters and wear one on his head for 3 minutes!**

Author: Woohoo! Another awesome batch of reviews! I say we get started right away! Eridan, the audience would like you to put on a different pair of pants and glasses so you don't look like a hipster.

Eridan: wwell that's not so bad...

Author: Kanaya, go with him inside and help him with his little makeover.

Eridan: karkat! come wwith us, slavve!

Author: Eridan, be nice!

Eridan: ugh. please come wwith us, karkat.

Karkat: FINE.

_The abscond to the mansion. Kanaya looks quite happy._

Author: Lets do another while we wait! Umm... oh. We need Karkat to come back. KARKAT!

Karkat: WHAT?!

Author: GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!

Karkat: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! JEGUS.

_Karkat returns to the bonfire._

Author: Terezi, engage in sloppy make outs with Karkat please.

Terezi: W41T WH4T?

Karkat: ...

Author: Well? Go on then.

Terezi: ...

Karkat: ...

Jake: Oh come on! I managed to make out with Dirk!

Dirk: I wuoldnt necescarily call that a makeuot bro. You did not do htat good.

Jake: Gadzooks, how is he still drunk?

Roxy: alcohol can last a while, and man did he have a lot! god i could use a drink...

Jane: Moderation, Roxy!

Author: Shut up, people! Terezi, Karkat, make out now!

Terezi: W3LL... OK4Y...

_Terezi walks over to Karkat and kisses him. Nepeta blushes and burrows her face into Equius' shoulder._

Author: That would not be considered a sloppy make out.

Vriska: Come on, Terezi, you can do 8etter than that!

Terezi: OH SHUT UP! OK4Y, YOU W4NT 4 M4K3 OUT?

_She grabs Karkat and starts engaging in a very sloppy make out. Nepeta whimpers a little and Equius pats her head sympathetically._

Author: See? There we go! Hey Gamzee, you wanna sneak up into Kanaya's room and put on one of her outfits?

Gamzee: motherfuck, bro, that sounds amazing.

_He gets up and saunters inside, smiling as goofily as ever._

Author: Woohoo! Now, I-

Kanaya: How's This?

_Kanaya and Eridan rejoin the group. Eridan is dressed in blue jeans, purple sneakers, and a purple t-shirt with his aquarius symbol on it in black. He's no longer wearing his scarf and Kanaya exchanged his hipster glasses for a more business style. He looks pretty good._

Author: Oh my.

_Roxy whistles._

Vriska: Man fish boy, you clean up good.

Karkat: YEAH, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE NEARLY AS MUCH OF A DOUCHE.

Eridan: shut the hell up, karkat.

Author: You should uhh... keep that outfit on for a while.

Eridan: hehe, alright sure.

Author: Anyways, is Gamzee back yet?

Kanaya: Where Did He Go?

Author: Well about that...

Gamzee: HONK :o)

Gamzee returned in Kanaya's red dress, still wearing his pants underneath. Everyone starts to crack up, and Kanaya pulls out her chainsaw.

Kanaya: You Let Him Put On My Favorite Dress?

Author: He was dared to!

Kanaya: I'm Going To Kill Him Now.

Author: No! No death!

The author has to hold Kanaya back and avoid being sliced into pieces by her chainsaw. Gamzee freaks out and starts heading back toward the mansion. A few minutes later, after Kanaya had calmed down, he comes back out in his normal clothes.

Author: That was dangerous, Kanaya. I may need to confiscate your lipstick.

Kanaya: I'm Sorry, It Won't Happen Again.

Author: Oh, I can't stay mad at you! Anyways, time for more make outs! Taaaaaaaavros!

Tavros: oH NO.

Author: You. Gamzee. Now.

Tavros: uMM... i'D RATHER NOT...

Vriska: Oh my god.

_Vriska uses her powers to control Tavros and make him make out with Gamzee. Gamzee doesn't even know the difference._

Author: I suppose that counts.

Tavros: dAMMIT VRISKA,

Vriska: Oh please, you wouldn't have done it 8y yourself.

Author: Try to stay out of the dares in the future though, okay Vriska? Now Dirk, would you mind dressing like a girl for us?

Dirk: Sure! Sonuds leik fun!

Dave: oh my god.

Rose: I think I have an outfit for you. ;)

Dave facepalms. Rose and Dirk move inside to get him changed.

Author: Hee hee! Okay John, come here!

_John looks a bit surprised and walks over to the author. She shows him his dare on the computer and they both start to laugh. John, still laughing, walks over to Karkat and slaps him._

John: YOU HO!

_Karkat stares at him in disbelief for a moment, then starts getting really pissed._

Karkat: I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU.

Author: Dammit, someone hold him back!

_Sollux gets up and grabs Karkat as he flails and swears at everyone. John is on the ground laughing his ass off._

Author: Karkat calm down, that was his dare!

Gamzee: shoooooooosh...

_Gamzee starts patting him on the head until Karkat finally calms down._

Karkat: THANKS GAMZEE.

Gamzee: THAT'S WHAT MOIRAILS ARE FOR MOTHERFUCKER.

Author: Well let's keep this going! Sorry vampiregirl1700, I'm skipping the next one. Too weird. Nepeta!

Nepeta: :33 *ac bounds over to her great new friend*

Author: Oh thank you! Although you may not think of me as so great in a moment... your dare is to be mean to Equius for one day.

Nepeta: :33 wait what

Equius: D - Nepeta you may take part in this, I know you don't mean it.

Nepeta: :33 but i dont think i can be mean to you! this dare is pawsitively awful!

Author: You can start tomorrow, okay?

Nepeta: :33 okay...

Author: Great! Jane darling, would you go get one of Gamzee's pies?

Jane: Sure!

_Jane leaves and returns with one of Gamzee's odd slimey pies._

Author: Here you go Karkat!

_Karkat stares at it for a little while._

Karkat: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...

Author: Come on now...

_Karkat swipes a finger across it and takes a little taste. He gags._

Karkat: THIS SHIT IS INEDIBLE.

Author: Eat.

Karkat: FUCK YOU.

Author: Eat, dammit!

Karkat: JEGUS, FINE!

_It takes a few minutes, but Karkat manages to gag down the whole thing._

Karkat: I DON'T FEEL RIGHT...

Author: I'd be nervous if you did. gracethekat, your dare is sorta kinda physically impossible, so... yeah... next! Ohyayohyayohyay, i love the next one! Dave, come here please.

_Dave saunters over. The author shows him his dare on her computer and smiles at him._

Dave: really?

Author: Oh please?

Dave: ...

Author: Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?

Dave: oh fine.

Dave walks over and sits next to Jade.

Jade: whats the dare, bro? hee hee!

Dave: well...

_He leans over and kisses her on the lips. She's surprised at first but then closes her eyes and they kiss for a few seconds._

Jade: hehe... hehe... woof!

_Dave smiles and laughs a little._

Author: That was absolutely fucking adorable. Now you and Dirk throw your glasses in the fire.

Dave: you've gotta be joking.

Dirk: come on, bro, ltes do it!

Dirk snatches Dave's shades and tosses both pairs into the bonfire.

Dave: what the hell bro?!

Dirk: calm down! thers no need to get wokred up!

Dave: dude, john gave me those shades!

Jade: dave calm down! remember, i have an extra pair!

_She takes off the shades she had been wearing and puts them on Dave._

Jade: there, see?

Dirk: its not the same...

Author: Alright! Next dare! Jaaaneeeeey!

Roxy: oh yay!

Jane: Umm... hoo hoo... what?

Author: Why don't you tell Jake how you REALLY feel?

_Her eyes widen and she starts to blush. Roxy nudges her with her elbow a couple times and Jane pushes her away._

Jane: Umm... uhh...

Jake: Well that's easy! We're fantastic friends! Right Jane?

Jane: Hoo hoo! Yes! Friends!

Author: No lying!

Jane: Fuck.

Roxy: well go on girl! tell him!

Jane: O-Okay... um... Jake?

Jake: Yeah Jane?

Jane: Remember that conversation we had when you asked if I liked you and I said no?

Jake: Yes! You gave me some very good advice!

Roxy: you did what?

Jane: Not now, Roxy... Well, see, the thing is... when I said no... I kind of... lied...

Jake: Say what now?

Jane: There, I said it! Let's move on now okay? Go ahead author lady! Next dare!

Jake: Whoa now, hold your horses. You lied?

Jane: ...

Jake: Jane...

Jane: ... yes. I lied.

Jake: ...

Jane: ...

Jake: ... this is awkward.

Jane: Very.

Author: Why don't you two talk this out later? We have one more dare! Kaaaarkaaaat...

Karkat: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

_The author leaves and comes back with arms full of buckets._

Vriska: Hey!

Aradia: what are you doing?

Kanaya: Go Put Those Back!

Author: Can't! Sorry! Here you go Karkat!

_She drops all the buckets on top of Karkat and puts one on his head._

_Karkat: Mental Breakdown_

Author: You need to sit in a pile of buckets for two chapters!

Karkat: NO! FUCK NO! NONONONONONONONO!

Author: (Calm down! You don't need to stay in the buckets the whole time, just when we do dares and stuff, I promise! They don't have to know!)

_Karkat: Continue Mental Breakdown_

Author: *sigh* Well, that's all we have. Thanks for reading, and farewell!


	8. Chapter 8

**I would just like to start out by saying that for the record, I love you all. You are all amazing. You make me laugh every time I read your reviews. I hope you understand it's going to take a very long time for me to catch up! I haven't been caught up since chapter 3! Nevertheless, I really appreciate all of the positive feedback and I hope I can keep making you all laugh. That is my goal, after all. So anyways, on to what you actually came here to read, chapter 8!**

**It's been two days since the previous chapter. The author figured everyone deserved a break, and allowed the reviews to pile up. Almost all of the old dares have worn off by now, and if they haven't the author is voiding them anyways. Dares that span over a long period of time are too complicated to keep track of anyways. Yesterday, to the request of Dave and Terezi, the author appearified WV and they've been working on Can Town ever since.**

Author: Hey everyone! Fall in! Vacation time is over, it's time to start up this game again!

_There are some complaints through the household, but nobody is extremely upset. Everyone sits in a circle on the floor of the recreation room._

Author: As of this moment, all previous dares are void. I may make this a recurring thing every seven chapters, who knows.

Jade: we've already done seven chapters?

Author: Crazy, right? Anyway, I have a nice batch of reviews here that have been piling up, so we should probably get started.

**Submitted by XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX:**

**Yessu. ;3; Hope ya don't mind but imma send in truths this time. :3  
Jake: Did you know Jane has this MASSIVE crush on for a long time? What would you do or say? :3  
Karkat: How do you REALLY feel about John? ;3  
Author: Can we being Calliope and Caliborn? ;3;**

**Submitted by R4zorSt4r:**

**Truth for Sollux: Has Karkat even stolen your hands?**

**Submitted by Homestucker:**

**that was funny.**

nepeta: act like a dog for 5 minutes  
jade: act like a cat for 5 minutes  
wv: drink faygo  
gamzee: drink tab

**Submitted by Gilbird-For-President:**

**This is fun!  
(Truth) Jake: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?**

**Submitted by AbortAbortAbort:**

**I dare Gamzee toooo: Tell Tavros how you've been feeling about him lately. Then, if things don't go well, please, don't kill anyone. I'm serious.  
And Karkat you poor thing.  
Now I dare you to replace the word "fuck" with butts, every time you say it. For the rest of the day.**

Author: Oh yay! Today should be very simple.

Karkat: PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT IN IT.

Author: No, you are. You always are. But if it helps, people are starting to feel sorry for you.

Karkat: FUCK YEAH THEY SHOULD FEEL SORRY FOR ME! I GET THE WORST DARES!

Author: Well how about we mix things up and start with yours today? First up is a truth. How do you REALLY feel about John?

Karkat: FUCK. WELL, I HATE HIM. A LOT.

John: thanks, karkat!

Karkat: SEE? THAT RIGHT THERE! HE'S HAPPY WHEN I INSULT HIM! THAT IS NOT NORMAL!

Author: But is it like a romantic hate? Like kismesiship?

Karkat: ...

John: oh my god it is. i thought you got over that! i told you i'm not homosexual!

Karkat: JEGUS, I KNOW. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO US!

John: ...

Author: ... why don't we move on? Karkat, your dare today is that instead of saying "fuck" you must say "butts" for the rest of the day. And that's it! You're done after that!

Rose: That's going to be hard for him.

Karkat: SHUT THE FU- UMM... BUTTS UP ROSE, I CAN MANAGE THAT!

John: hehehe

Karkat: GOD DAMMIT

Author: Alright, next! Jake! You're question, and I quote: Did you know Jane has had this MASSIVE crush on you for a long time?

Jane: ... the audience hates me.

Roxy: oh janey, tahts not tru!

Jake: Well... uhh... yeah, i sorta found that out a little while ago... *loosens collar a bit*

Author: I think you two need to go have a feelings jam in the horn pile.

Gamzee: motherfuck yes, man

Jane: I... I think I'm good, thanks...

Gamzee: GET IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HORN PILE.

Jane: Okay! Okay!

_The author leads them to another room where they both sit down in the horn pile, then leaves them alone to talk about feelings and stuff._

Author: Hopefully they can work their shit out.

Dirk: Hmph.

Author: Oh shut up. Do you all mind if I leave for a moment? I have a request to appearify someone.

Tavros: gO AHEAD, wE COULDN'T STOP YOU ANYWAY,

Author: Correct!

The author leaves the room and fires up the appearifier. A couple minutes later comes the sound of someone being appearified followed by the sound of a fight and lots of yelling. Finally she comes back in followed by Calliope.

Dave: oh god who is that?

Author: Guys, this is... (is it okay if I tell them your name?)

Calliope: (i would rather yoU didn't...)

Author: Alright, well the post-scratch kids know who she is! This is your alien friend, guys!

Roxy: CALLIOPE!

_Roxy runs over and tackles Calliope with a hug._

Roxy: i cant beleive its yuou! i was gettnig worried!

Calliope: yoU don't mind how i look?

Roxy: i told you i woludnt!

Author: I accidently appearified her brother, so it took me a bit of trying not to die before I could say her name.

_Roxy brings Calliope over to the circle, and introductions are made. After everyone is caught up to speed the author continues._

Author: R4zorSt4r, I'm sorry to say I do not understand you're question at all. I'm just going to skip it.

Calliope: wait, where are jake and jane?

Author: I locked them in the room with the horn pile so they could have a feelings jam.

Rose: You locked them in?

Author: Yes! Anyways, Nepeta, you have been dared to act like a dog for five minutes, and jade, you've been dared to act like a cat for five minutes!

Jade: i dont know if im even capable of doing that.

Nepeta: :33 i think it sounds like fun! lets start! woof!

Jade: well... okay! meow meow meow!

_Nepeta playfully tackles Jade and then chases her around the room on all fours, barking._

Jade: hisssssssssssss! hee hee hee! hissssssssssssssssssssssss! woof!

Nepeta: :33 hey!

Jade: sorry, i cant really help the woofs.

_This continues for five minutes, with Jaspersprite laughing and clapping the whole time. Once they're done they rejoin the group._

Author: Nice job guys! Now for an exchange of drinks. Here guys!

_The author hands WV a bottle of faygo and hands Gamzee a can of tab. WV looks the faygo over curiously._

Gamzee: what... what is this?

Author: It's tab! Drink it.

Gamzee: I DONT WANT TO DRINK THIS MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT.

Author: Well... okay...

_She takes the tab and brings it to the kitchen. She comes back with a bottle of faygo and hands it to Gamzee._

Author: Here you go bro!

Gamzee: thanks sister.

_He takes a sip and spews it out on the floor._

Gamzee: WHAT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL IS THIS. THIS IS NOT FAYGO.

Author: Yeah. I poured the tab in a faygo bottle.

Gamzee: i will motherfucking kill you.

_Gamzee jumps at the author but Karkat stops him and calms him down. WV watches everything go down while sipping from his Faygo._

Author: Sorry Gamz! It (probably) won't happen again!

_She gives Gamzee a real faygo and he sits quietly drinking from it._

Author: Anyways, Gamz, why don't you tell everyone how you're feelin about Tavros right now? Like romantically and stuff.

Gamzee: MAN, I FUCKING LOVE MY BRO HERE. HES MY BEST FRIEND, ID DO ANYTHING FOR THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

Tavros: wELL THANKS, gAMZEE, i THINK THE SAME ABOUT YOU,

Author: Aww, how cute! So there aren't any romantic feelings then?

Gamzee: nah, hes like my brother.

Author: Cool. Respect. Now I better go get Jake, there's one more question for him.

The author makes her way to the room she locked Jake and Jane in and opens the door very slowly. She finds them kissing and gasps, causing Jane to shriek and fall over backwards.

Jake: Egad!

Author: Sorry! I just... didn't expect your feelings jam to go so well!

Jake: Did you need us for something?

Author: Yeah, we have a question for you... you can pick this back up when we're done though...

Jake: No it's fine! Really!

Jane: Please don't tell anyone what you saw!

Author: No problem! Now come on down you little lovebirds!

Jane: Shhhhh!

Author: Hehehe.

_They come back down and re-join the circle, the two of them sitting next to each other. The author smiles and Jane glares at her._

Roxy: (how did it gooooo?)

Jane: (Fine, it went fine, shut up!)

Author: Okay, last question! Jake, if you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Jake: What?! That is so unfair! There are too many good movies to choose from!

Author: Well pick!

Jake: Well... that Avatar movie we watched the other day was really good. I guess i wouldn't mind that so much. It's a good thing this isn't a dare though!

Author: Yes, very good. Well that wraps up this chapter! Thanks for reading and have a good day! Farewell!

**Quick Author's Note: Chapters 9 and 10 are each going to be devoted to two very long reviews submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys and gia monic. Please, refrain from continuing these long posts, as it keeps me from fitting in other people's reviews. Don't get me wrong, I love all of your posts! Just the longer the posts are putting me further behind.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Shiiiiiiiit people.**

**Slow the fuck down.**

**38 reviews is abnormal.**

**This is my first fan-fic you know.**

**This is a lot of responsibility to all of the sudden get used to.**

**I want to work on my other story, but you people give me no time!**

**Anyways**

**The scene opens to a beautiful snowy day, the first of the season. Yes, it's winter. I'm getting sick of the warm weather. Everyone is outside having snowball fights and making snow cats and sledding and stuff. The author is sitting on the porch with some hot cocoa getting ready to start the next very long list of dares from NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys.**

**Submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl -**

_She is hit in the head with a snowball. _

Author: Dammit! Who did that?

_Dave and John point at each other. Karkat points at Dave._

Author: Really Dave? I was just about to get all the new dares!

Dave: that's why i hit you.

Author: *sigh* If that's the way you want to be...

_She runs out into the yard and ducks behind a bush. She quickly makes a small pile of snowballs and begins to bombard Dave with them. Karkat joins in, and John dumps a bucket of snow on his head. Karkat turns around and tackles him, and soon everyone joins in on the snowball fight. Eventually everything calms down and the author returns to her laptop to find it buried in a pile of snow. She thanks the day she made it waterproof._

Author: Back to business.

**Submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys:**

**Holy frig women, how fast are you typing? I didn't even have a chance to review the last chapter before this one was up. (i assume you are a woman, I could be wrong)  
Dirk-Dare: dress up as an avatar character, have sloppy make outs with Jake.  
Jane-Dare: get drunk, put a bucket on Karkat's head. Do not have sloppy make outs with Jake.  
Roxy-Dare: all sentences must rhyme.  
Jake-Dare:After sloppy make outs, wear Dirk's shades and Dave's at the same time.  
Dave-Dare: Rap-off with future self.  
John-Dare: kiss Jane (your grandchild/grandma) on the fore head, then put her drunk ass in bed.  
Rose-Dare: Use knitting needles to climb a mountain with. Also knit Jade a tail .  
Jade-Dare: chase your tail.  
Kanaya-Dare: wear nothing but black for the next few updates (3)  
Gamzee-Dare: go get your mother-ducking Faygo on.  
Tavros-Dare: Eat the mind honey.  
Feferi-Dare: no glubbing for one whole chapter.  
Equius-Dare: prove your strength by standing on your head for the rest of the chapter.  
Terezi-Dare: wear a pair of blue sunglasses.  
Vriska-Truth: are you flushed for Joooooooohn?  
Aradia-Dare: talk only in puns until the end of the next chapter.  
Eridan-Dare: if maplehoof isn't available then find a fish. Be the rider.  
Nepeta-Dare: act like a dog.  
Sollux-Dare: throw a bi-polar bitchfit.  
Karkat:has been tortured enough. Remove bucket from head and then enjoy a spectacular dinner cooked by the cruel reviewers. Think-it was worth it. If unable to think so, injest sopor slime then think it.  
Hehe. I hope you use some of these.**

**Submitted by Future NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys:**

**Haha lol.  
I'll only leave dares for the new characters then.  
Calliope: cosplay fantasmically as Kanaya. Chain yourself to the wall. Switch with Caliborn. Switch back.  
Wv: make a horse out of cans. Be the rider (jk, don't need to do either)  
Swear Terezi in as can town's first legislacerator(sp?)  
And because I forgot him in the last one.  
Jaspersprite: give Karkat a hug.**

And finally  
Dave: give author a totally-not-only-for-men-no-matter-what-the-name-suggests bro fist because she has more then earned it.  
Dirk: do likewise with author's other fist.

Author: Yay, another long chapter. How long will this one be, 3000 words? Maybe 4000? Who knows. Everyone inside for some hot cocoa!

_The cast settles down back on the floor of the recreation room. It's pretty much become the main area for these reviews. Most everyone has a mug of hot cocoa._

Jane: Achoo!

Jake: You alright? You've been sneezing all day.

Jane: It's nothing, I think I've just caught a cold.

Roxy: youll be find, janesy!

_Roxy is pouring vodka into her cocoa, to no one's surprise._

Author: We have a humongolicious list of dares and shit here, so we gotta move fast! No more time wasting!

Dave and Aradia look at her funny.

Author: Oh shush. Dirk! You are first! Lucky you! Go dress up like one of those aliens from that Avatar movie! You may enlist Kanaya's help if necessary.

Dirk: Alright, come on vampire chick.

_Kanaya glares at him but follows him out of the room nevertheless._

Author: Great! And when he gets back he'll need to... oh... shit.

The author throws a concerned glance over to Jake and Jane, and their eyes widen.

Author: I'll put that off as long as I can.

Tavros: wHOA, wHAT?

Aradia: are we missing something?

Author: Nope! Nothing! Hehehe... oh hey this might help. Roxy, do me a favor and get your bffsy drunk.

Roxy: oh finlly!

_Roxy pours the remainder of her vodka bottle into Jane's cocoa and goes to get more._

Jane: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Author: Positive! This is your dare, after all. Well, the first part of it.

Jane: Well... okay...

_Jane takes a sip of her cocoa and gags a little, but keeps drinking. Roxy returns with two more bottles of wine and hands one to Jane._

Roxy: start chugign this when you finihs your coca ;)

Author: Roxy, your turn! You must speak in rhymes. Speak in rhymes all the time.

Roxy: yesssssssnsss! that is a tots awesmoe dare! and... uhh... i liek fish boys hair!

_Eridan just looks at her weird._

Author: So much fun. Dave, we need you to do some time traveling shenanigans so we can have two Daves here at the same time.

F Dave: already done.

Author: Of course! You two need to have a rap-off now. It's gonna be so cool.

Terezi: SO COOL.

Jade: so cool.

_They then proceed to have one of the best rap battles in the history of paradox space. Future Dave won, simply because he already knew what his past self was going to say. Current Dave then time traveled, thus leaving us with only one Dave again._

Author: That was awesome.

Dirk: I'll give you that, bro.

_Dirk looks exactly like an Avatar alien. Everyone is appalled at Kanaya's makeover skills._

Author: Wow Kanaya, good work!

Kanaya: Thanks.

Author: Now, uhh, Dirk... the next part of your dare is to have more sloppy make outs with Jake...

Dirk: I think I can manage that.

_Jake looks over at Jane, but she's not paying attention. Roxy is busy forcing her to drink the bottle of wine but she continues to resist, although her words are starting to get a little slurred. Dirk walks over to Jake and they begin to once again have sloppy make outs. Jane looks for a second, then grabs the bottle out of Roxy's hands and begins to chug it. Many of the cast members are laughing._

Author: You can... hahaha... get that makeup off any time you want... John has a dare, but Jane isn't drunk enough yet, so we'll put that off.

John: wait what

Author: Rose's dare would work if there were any mountains nearby, but no. Sorry. Although you can knit Jade a tail kinda like Nepeta's!

_Jade gasps._

Jade: oh would you rose? that would be soooo amazing!

Rose: Yes, I will. For you. :)

Jade: eeeeee! im so excited now! woof woof woof woof woof!

Dave: shush, jade, stop barking.

Jade: hee hee sorry!

Author: Next up, Kanaya! Please go change, you have been forbidden to wear any color other than black for the next three chapters.

Kanaya: That's Not Too Bad. I Can Make That Work.

_She absconds._

Author: Awesome. How ya doing Jane?

Jane: Fan-fukcing-tastic!

Author: Great! Gamz! Go get your motherfucking faygo on!

Gamzee: MOTHERFUCKING YES, BRO

_Gamzee leaves and returns with his arms filled with bottles of faygo and begins to chug them._

Author: This is getting good! We should celebrate a bit! Tavros, try this.

Tavros: wHAT IS IT?

Author: Just... a little honey. (hehehe)

Sollux: wait... is that what i think it is...

_Tavros tastes it and his eyes widen._

Tavros: wHAT IS THIS WHAT IS THIS WHAT IS THIS?

Sollux: 0h god what did y0u do?

_Tavros: Mental Breakdown_

Aradia: jade, be careful! he may use his powers, im not sure what mental condition he's in right now!

Jade: wait what?

Jaspersprite: MEEEEEEEOOOOOOW!

Author: Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!

Karkat: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

Author: We haven't refused a dare yet! I'm not about to break that streak!

Jade: dave, i feel funny!

Dave: okay calm down! just focus, alright? focus on me!

Jade: woof!

Dave: do not bark! avoid barking!

Vriska: Oh please, people! I'll just control him and calm him down!

Vriska starts doing some psychic thing, but something explodes and she falls over.

Vriska: Wh8t? How did he do th8t?

Jade: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Jaspersprite: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Author: We may want to run.

_Suddenly there's a loud bang and Tavros falls to the floor unconscious. Gamzee is behind him holding a frying pan._

Author: ... oh wow. Thanks Gamzee!

_Thank you's are said throughout the room. Gamzee just smiles and chugs another faygo._

Author: I will never understand him.

Dave: jade, are you all right?

Jade: *whimper*

John: jade?

Jade: that was really weird... he was inside my head... i dont want that to ever happen again...

Jaspersprite: me neither!

Nepeta: :33 *ac consoles jaspers by rubbing up against him sympathetically*

Jaspersprite: thanks nepeta! meow!

Nepeta: :33 *ac meows too :33*

Author: Okay, so that was a bad idea. Let's just keep moving. Feferi, no glubbing for a whole chapter.

Feferi: awww! really?

Author: Yeah, sorry!

Sollux: i can glub f0r you if it would make y0u feel better

Feferi: no t) (anks sollux.

Sollux: glub?

Feferi: ) (ee ) (ee...

Author: Equius!

Equius: D - Yes?

Author: Prove to everyone your strength by standing on your head for the remainder of the chapter!

Equius: D - Is that my dare?

Author: Yes.

Equius: D - Well... okay then...

_He then proceeds to start standing on his head._

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33! equius you look pawsitively adorable on your head!

Equius: D - Oh Nepeta, you silly...

Author: Terezi, your dare is to switch out your red sunglasses for blue ones! Here, I have a pair right here.

Terezi: W3LL... BLU3 DO3SNT SM3LL 4S GOOD, BUT 1 GU3SS I DONT M1ND.

_She puts on the blue glasses and smiles at Dave and Dirk, who just recently returned._

Terezi: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK, STR1D3RS?

Dave: red's better.

Dirk: I don't know, blue isn't so bad.

Terezi: W3LL, TH3 R3D IS B3TT3R. YOU WANT TH3S3 D1RK?

Dirk: I do need new shades... I don't know what I was thinking when I threw my old pair in the fire.

Jake: Yeah... too bad the auto responder died with them... (hehehe)

Terezi takes off the blue shade and tosses them to Dirk.

Dirk: Thanks.

Terezi: NO PROB.

**Oh, look. 40 reviews. Shocker.**

Author: Alright! We are moving through these fairly quickly!

Rose: Hey, I finished Jade's tail.

Jade: yayayayayayay!

_Rose helps sew the tail onto Jade's outfit, and Jade jumps up and down excitedly._

Author: Now let's try it out! Jade, chase your tail!

Jade: with pleasure!

_Jade runs around in circles barking chasing after her own tail for a good five minutes. Dave just sits there shaking his head and John is cracking up._

Author: Great! Two more dares down! Now Vriska, it seems you have like, the only truth. Are you flushed for John?

Vriska: Well... yeah, a little...

_John sits there awkwardly and Dave gives him a friendly nudge. John blows wind in his face._

Author: Do you two need to have a feelings jam?

Jane: Those tings wrok! I'm teling ya!

Jane falls over backwards. Roxy laughs.

Vriska: Yeah, that sounds alright. Come on John!

John: wait what?

Vriska grabs his arm and drags him out of the room. The author walks over to Jane and whispers something in her ear, and Jane starts to giggle.

Jane: Can I fil it wiht somethnig?

Author: Yes. Yes you can.

Jane: Hoo hoo!

_Jane gets up and stumbles a bit, then absconds for a moment to the kitchen. She returns with a bucket filled with... faygo? Is that faygo?_

Eridan: oh god.

_She pours it on Karkat and drops the bucket on his head. It was faygo. She starts to crack up and would have fallen over if Jake hadn't been there to catch her._

Author: Ohhhhh my.

_Karkat faints._

John: hehehehe

Author: Hey John, do you mind taking care of your drunk grandmother/granddaughter? Your dare is to kiss her on the forehead and put her to bed.

John: i... i guess that's alright. she is family.

_John goes over to her and kisses her on the forehead. He takes her from Jake and picks her up, then brings her upstairs as she mumbles on about buckets and faygo._

Author: Aww. Family is the most important thing. Well, behind these dares.

**Oh, look. 42 reviews. Jegus you people are odd.**

Author: Aradia, you need to talk in puns for the rest of the chapter. Is that cool?

Aradia: i think i can manage that. or should i say... umm... oh, this is harder than i thought.

Author: You just speak up when you think of something, alright? Now Eridan! Find a fish. Be the rider.

_Eridan looks at her weird and is about to say something, but then Rose comes in with a newly appearified Maplehoof._

Author: I never gave you permission to use my appearifier!

Rose: Please, we needed Maplehoof and you know it.

Author: *sigh* Fine. Eridan, be the rider.

Eridan: wwhat does that evven mean?

Author: Just get on the horse and do something cool!

_Eridan becomes the rider. You're impressed and you know it._

Author: Nepeta, your dare is to act like a dog, but you sorta did that in the last chapter so you don't have to if you don't want to.

Nepeta: :33 that was fun but i don't want to do that again!

Aradia: are you getting sick of dogs, purrhaps?

Author: Ha!

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33! good one aradia!

Aradia: thanks! i try.

Author: Now Sollux, throw a bi-polar bitchfit.

Sollux: how d0 i even do that?

Author: Well, to be honest, I don't know. You could have some more mind honey...

Sollux: n0 no n0 no n0.

Author: Yeah, good point. Well, if you can figure something out... let us know... Oh right, Karkat.

_The author goes over to him and takes the bucket off his head, then props him up on a couch._

Author: It shouldn't be too long before he wakes up. Probably. Nobody tell him Jane did it, we don't need anyone dying. Hey Cali, you have a dare!

Calliope: i do?

Author: Yeah! You want to cosplay a little bit? You've been dared to cosplay as Kanaya!

Calliope: that soUnds really fun!

Kanaya: Here, Come With Me. I Don't Mind Loaning You An Outfit.

_Calliope and Kanaya abscond._

Author: This is fun. This is a fun time. Hey WV, come here!

_WV looks around surprised then walks over to the author. The author whispers something to him and he jumps up and down clapping. He immediatly gets to work on building something out of cans. Calliope and Kanaya return, with Calliope wearing one of Kanaya's dresses._

Roxy: draling, you look so cutr!

Calliope: oh thank yoU, roxy! ^u^

_Calliope then engages in cosplaying, and is actually quite good. When she's done, everyone notices that WV had been done with his can horse for five minutes and was already being the rider. Maplehoof is standing there staring at him._

Author: That's one way to get into it! Now Calliope, the next part of your dare is to... well... switch with your brother...

Calliope: yoU know how mUch of a bad idea that is, right?

Author: Yes. Yes I do. I already set up that chain that only you can open, so it shouldn't be a huge issue...

_Calliope looks around nervously and goes to change back into her normal clothes. When she comes back she puts the chain on her leg and looks at the author for confirmation, and the author nods. Calliope then falls asleep on the couch next to Karkat._

Roxy: now what is she diong agani?

Author: Getting her brother.

Roxy looks at her weird but then lets it go and keeps drinking her wine.

Author: Well we're almost done! Hey WV, does can town need a legislacerator?

WV jumps around excitedly and nods. Terezi perks up and smiles.

Author: Well we happen to have an awesome one in red shades over there.

WV runs into another room and comes back with another sash. He shakes Terezi's hand and puts the sash on her, and they both look ecstatically happy. Terezi immediately starts talking about punishments and a new court house and such but the author tunes her out and moves on. Karkat starts groaning and screams when he sees Calliope asleep next to him.

Author: Oh Karkat, calm down! I think you need a hug. Jaspersprite, would you do the honors?

Jaspersprite: oh yes! meeeeeeeeooooooow!

_Jaspersprite runs over to Karkat and picks him up and hugs the shit out of him._

Karkat: OH GOD! LET ME DOWN! LET ME DOWN!

Jaspersprite: meow meow meow meow meow!

Author: Okay jaspers, let him down!

Jaspersprite lets him down.

Author: And now we only have one more dare! Dave, Dirk, come over here and give me a totally non-gender specific bro fist.

_Bro fist x2 combo!_

Author: Great! Well it seems like that's all! So I guess all i have to say is slow down a bit with the reviewing, and I'll see you next time!

Caliborn: (HEHEHE...)


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry about how the last chapter kinda dropped off, but I was losing my mojo. I've taken a little break though and I'm listening to some Homestuck music so I sure as hell hope this chapter will be better. (Hehehe Spider8ite! just came on. I love this song.) So yeah, enjoy. Chapter 10.**

**It's... well... sometime after the last chapter... to be honest, no one's been able to keep track of time lately. There's been this crazy blizzard going on and everyone's snowed in, and it knocked out the power a while ago. Luckily the author appearified some power sources so people could still cook and use computers and what not, because the appearifier never runs out of power. It's magical. Magic is real. Deal with it. Everyone is currently huddled around the fire place waiting for the author to get started with the next set of dares.**

**Submitted by gia monic:**

**Hahahaha, author I must say I love you.**

John - Dare: Proceed to pull pranks on every single person in the room, throughout the rest of the Truth or Dare game. Author included.

Rose - Truth: How do you feel about Kanaya?

Dave - Dare: Go on a coolkid adventure with Terezi. Use your imagination for the kind of adventure!

Jade: ...I can't really think of anything for you. You're off the hook, from me that is. :)

Jane - Dare: Refrain from eating Betty Crocker products for 48 hours. You can still touch them and cook them and stuff, just don't have any make contact with your mouth.

Roxy - Dare: Whenever you're allowed to drink again (I have a hard time keeping track of shit like this), chug three vodka bottles, only stopping to breathe.

Dirk - Dare/truth?: Sing a song to Jake admitting any feelings for him. Make it good!

Jake - Dare: LISTEN TO THE SONG THAT DIRK SINGS, NO RUNNING AWAY, NO COVERING YOUR EARS.

Karkat/Terezi - Dare: I had some sympathy for you, but it deteriorated. Sorry. Karkat, proceed to dress as a giant crab. Terezi, proceed to dress as a legislacerator, if you aren't already. (she is)** Terezi, get behind a large table with a gaffel and pound on the table, saying "SEND IN THE DANCING CRAB!" Karkat, this is your cue. Go out there wearing the crab costume, and dance. (Author, when he's done with this give him a chocolate bar or something nice, Karkat's been through a lot.)**

Vriska - Dare: Abandon your obsession with the number 8 for the next 7 chapters (If there wind up being that many more, which with the popularity of this, I bet there will be.)

Vriska - Truth: Why are you so into that number anyways? And no, a simple 'It's the best number', will NOT work.

Nepeta/Jade/Terezi/Author - Dare: Proceed to have a magical roleplay adventure narriated by the author, Nepeta rp'ing as Jade, Jade rp'ing as Nepeta, and Terezi rp'ing as a freaking epic dragon'yyd. Take this as far as you want.

Sollux/Feferi/Eridan - Dare: Author, please lock these three in a room together. Feferi, have sloppy makeouts with Sollux. Eridan, you MUST watch. Do not interfere. Just. Watch. Author, release the three in 20 minutes time.

That's all I got. FOR NOW. ;)

Author: Alright! Everyone ready?

_Everyone says things like yep and nods in agreement and such._

Jane: Please, shut up! Ugh.

_Jane woke up about an hour ago and has been nursing her hangover ever since. Dirk and Roxy feel her pain._

Author: Alrighty, John, come here!

_John walks over and the author shows him the dare on her laptop. They chat for a little while in hushed voices and John finally heads back to where he was sitting._

Rose: What was your dare?

John: youll see... hehehe...

Author: Well Rose, we have a truth for you! So tell us, how do you feel about Kanaya?

Both she and Kanaya blush. While she's distracted, John stands up and sneaks out of the room. Jake is about to say something but the author shooshs him.

Rose: Well... Kanaya is a fantastic friend. She's very smart and kind.

Author: Oh geez! We don't want that, we want the romantic stuff!

Rose: ... romantic?

Author: Yes!

Rose: Umm...

John: hey rose! come here a sec!

Rose: One second! I need to go see what John needs!

_She stands up and rushes out of the room. A couple seconds later you hear her yell and the sound of something hitting the floor. John comes running back in the room with Rose on his tail, yelling and covered in pie._

John: it was a prank rose, a joke! honest!

Rose: Egbert!

John: oh come on, that was my dare!

_John runs behind the author and uses her as a shield._

Author: Geez, what did you do?

John: when she came into the kitchen i kind of tripped her... and there just so happened to be a pie on the floor where she landed...

Author: Hahaha! Good one!

Rose: Dammit Egbert!

Author: Calm down, Rose, calm down. That is his dare, after all.

Rose: His dare was to prank me?

Author: Well... technically... yes!

Rose: Ugh!

_She wipes the pie off her face and flings in on John. They both sit back down, but Rose looks ready to kill at any moment._

Author: You never answered the question, Rose.

Rose: Um... yes I did.

Author: No you didn't.

Rose: Yes, I did... right before I left...

Author: Don't lie to me, Rose.

Rose: *sigh* Fine. I guess I've given the idea of Kanaya as a romantic partner thought, but it would be so complicated...

Kanaya: ...

Author: Well okay then! Yo Dave, Terezi, wanna go on an adventure?

Terezi: Y3S!

Dave: uhh, sure.

Author: You two get to go on some awesome cool kid adventure. Be creative!

Terezi: 4LR1GHT! TH1S 1S GONN4 B3 SO 4W3SOM3! WH4T DO YOU W4NT TO DO, D4V3?

Dave: i dunno. we cant really go outside.

Terezi: COM3 ON, L3T'S GO B3 D3T3CT1V3S! 1 H4V3 SOM3 SC4L3M4T3S UPST41RS!

**Oh my god it is so hard to write leetspeak!**

Terezi grabs Dave's arm and they both head upstairs.

Author: Something tells me we won't be seeing them for a while.

Vriska: Terezi can really 8e so o8noxious sometimes!

Author: *sigh* Well, next up, Jane! You are forbidden to eat any Betty Crocker products for 48 hours. Or at least, what we think is 48 hours. It doesn't help that we don't have any working clocks...

Jane: Aw what? Are you serious?

Author: You can still cook them and stuff. Just no eating.

Jane: Aww!

John: i would be willing to join you on that.

Author: John, no.

John: aww. oh hey!

_He runs out of the room with another idea in his head._

Author: Hehehe, oh no. Hey Roxy, you're going to like your dare!

Roxy: yeeeeeeeeeeeesssss?

Author: Chug three bottles of vodka straight, only stopping to breath.

Roxy: OH YEAH!

_She runs and grabs three of the biggest bottles of vodka she can and starts to chug. Everyone just stares at her in awe, amazed that someone is actually capable of doing this. She almost finishes the third bottle when she passes out on the floor._

Dirk: ... wow.

Vriska: That was impressive.

Aradia: that was reely dangerous! whale she be okay?

Author: Ha!

Feferi: t) (at was good, aradia!

Aradia: thanks! i've been saving that one!

**Ironically, Vodka Mutiny came on while I was typing this XD**

_The author checks Roxy's pulse._

Author: I think she'll be alright... Hey Dirk, how well can you sing?

Dirk: I normally rap, so I'm not sure.

Author: Well sing a song for Jake, proclaiming your feelings. That is your dare. Jake, your dare is to listen to the whole song, no running away, no covering your ears, just listening.

Jake: Uhh... umm...

_Jane curses under her breath._

Dirk: Well, it's an odd dare, but I think I can do that...

_Dirk motions for Jade to start playing some music, and then takes off his hat and starts to sing. He's a surprisingly good singer. Jake sits there, starting to blush, and Jane just buries her face in her hands. John sneaks into the room and moves quietly over to Dirk's hat without him noticing. He then pours something that looks suspiciously like gusher juice into the hat and sneaks back out. A few cast members who saw this are trying their best not to laugh. Dirk finishes a little later._

Jake: Uhh... thanks dirk... *glasses fog up. fumbles for handkerchief.*

Dirk: You're welcome.

_Dirk heads over and grabs his hat, then sits back down and puts it on._

Dirk: What the fuck is in my hat?

John: (heehee!)

Dirk: What is this?!

_He takes off his hat and examines it. His hair is covered in blue goop. Everyone who saw John do it cracks up._

Dirk: Who the hell fucked up my hat?

A few people like Sollux and Eridan point at John. He suddenly stops laughing when Dirk turns to him murderously. He turns and runs away as fast as he can, using wind to propel him. Dirk chases after him with a sword.

Author: John is not doing so hot in the "getting away with pranks" department.

Jade: so is he supposed to prank everybody?

_John runs back into the room and hides behind Rose, who clocks him in the eye. He starts to yell at her, but Dirk comes back in the room and he runs away again._

Author: Yes, yes he is. Keep on your guard and try not to kill him.

Karkat: NO PROMISES.

Author: Glad you spoke up, Karkat! Come with me!

_She drags a very unwilling and unhappy Karkat upstairs and sounds of a struggle can be heard as she tries to fit him in a crab outfit. Terezi and Dave rejoin the group downstairs after their adventure._

Dave: what did we miss?

Rose: Your bro is trying to kill John and the author and Karkat may or may not be having sex upstairs.

Dave: well shit.

_The author comes back down the steps dragging Karkat in a large, shiny red crab suit. The cast is laughing hysterically. _

Karkat: EVERYONE JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACES.

_John rushes into the room and flies up to the ceiling. Dirk follows him in, but John is just barely high enough to avoid his sword. Dirk sits on the floor below him._

Dirk: I'll wait. You have to come down sometime.

John: oh my god... oh hey! karkat, looking good!

Karkat: HOLY FUCK.

Author: Terezi, come here a sec!

_The author expains everything to Terezi, and she laughs maniacally. She moves a table in front of the fireplace and pounds on it with her gavel. _

Terezi: (h33h33) S3ND 1N TH3 D4NC1NG CR44444B!

There's an awkward pause.

Author: (Get in there!)

Karkat: (NO!)

Author: (Go, dammit!)

Karkat: (I AM NOT DOING THIS!)

Terezi: 1 D3M4ND3D 4 CR4B!

_The author shoves Karkat into the middle of the circle and he shouts curses at her. He starts to move around in a circle and does a couple lame dance moves, then turns to leave._

Vriska: 8oooooo!

Sollux: that was awful!

Eridan: you can do better than that, idiot!

Karkat: I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL.

_He dances a little more then runs upstairs before anyone can stop him. Everyone laughs for a little while longer and the author continues when they calm down._

Author: Okay, Vriska! You have been dared to abandon your obsession with the number eight for the next seven chapters.

Vriska: w8 what?

Author: No more number eights, no more eight of one letter, nothing. Quit cold turkey.

Vriska: No! Nononononononono! There is no w8y you c8n get me to do th8t!

Author: So you're telling me you're going to be the only person in this room lame enough to not do their dare?

Vriska: ... f-fine...

Tavros: hAHA,

Vriska glares at him.

Author: Why are you so into that number anyways, Vriska?

Vriska: Cause it's the 8est-

Author: Hey! No eights! And saying it's the best number doesn't count.

Vriska: Ugh, you're killing me here! I like eight because I like spiders because spiders are cool. Happy?

Author: Sure, I'll take that. Feferi, Sollux, Eridan! Fall in! We're going on a little trip!

_They all get up and follow the author upstairs to a room that again, locks from the outside. _

Author: You'll all be locked in here for 20 minutes. Sollux and Feferi, engage in sloppy make outs. Eridan you are not to interfere, just sit there and watch. It just occurred to me how obssessed these fans are with sloppy make outs. I may need to find them theraputic help.

Eridan: you dont say?

Author: So yeah. 20 minutes. Have fun.

_The author leaves the room and locks the door behind her, then returns to the group._

Author: We have one more awesome dare to wrap this up! Jade, Nepeta, Terezi, we're going to do some roleplaying!

_Nepeta gasps._

Nepeta: :33 ohyayohyayohyay!

Author: The audience specifically requested that Jade roleplay as Nepeta, Nepeta roleplay as Jade, and Terezi roleplay as freaking epic dragon.

Jade: why do they always want me to be a cat?

Nepeta: :33 why do they always want me to be a dog?

Author: Again, they need theraputic help. I'll be narrating! Let's get started!

_They engage in a roleplaying session._

**Author: The story begins by in a mountainous area. Jade had been exploring the area for some time and came upon a cave that was apparently inhabited.**

**AC: :33 *gg says hello? is anyone in there?* **

**GG: (oh, is that supposed to be me? sorry!) *nepeta gets ready to pounce on the intruder***

**AC: :33 *gg walks inside with a fish at the ready***

**GG: *nepeta perks up at the sight of fish and snatches it out of jade's hands***

**AC: :33 hey!**

**AC: :33 oops, *gg says that***

**GG: *nepeta says sorry! it looked so good!***

**GC: *4 M1GHTY DR4GON SWOOPS DOWN 4ND S4YS SH3 THOUGHT 1T LOOK3D GOOD TOO!***

**AC: *gg says sorry! i only had one fish!***

**GC: *TH3 M1GHT1LY M1GHTY DR4GON S4YS SH3'S V3RY HUNGRY, 4ND W1LL H4VE TO 34T ON3 OF YOU! W1TH TH4T, SH3 P1CKS UP GG 4ND ST4RTS TO FLY 4W4Y!***

**AC: *gg screams to ac for help!***

**GG: oh no! uh, wait, i mean-**

_Jade shrieks. John had just poured a bucket of fish on her head while she was preoccupied. _

Jade: john!

John: hahahahahaha!

Jade: WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!

_Dirk facepalms. John snuck out while he was watching them roleplay. John starts once again running for his life from both Jade and Dirk. Nepeta begins to eat some of the fish._

Author: Well, that was a good place to stop I suppose. So yeah! I'll just wrap up this chapter. Farewell!


	11. Chapter 11

**I am in motherfuckin Homestuck mode.**

**Listenin to Vol. 5 and chuggin a 24 oz of Faygo.**

**I am so ready to write this chapter and like blow your minds and shit like that.**

**Oooo, cool song. Anyways, I can't really focus right now, so this chapter may be really random. I may or may not have ADD.**

**It's about a day later. The blizzard stopped a while ago. The author is seen on the roof in her winter clothes looking up at the sun and shielding her eyes. **

**God, all these songs are so cool. **

**Sorry. **

**Anyways, the snow was still piled up too high to get out of any of the doors, but she got on the roof through a little trap door. She sighs, and makes her way back inside. At least the power came back on. She prints out a new list of dares and calls everyone to the recreation room.**

Author: Hey guys!

_She strips off her boots and winter coat._

Author: You ready to keep this game going?

_A few people say yes, a few people don't give a fuck. Karkat says no but Vriska slaps him upside the head._

Author: Cool! Let's see what we've got today...

**Submitted by beanihatgirl24:**

**Major johnXdave and johnXkat here :D i want john to kiss john **(Do you mean Dave? I think you mean Dave. I'll go with Dave.)** AND karkat for a minute exactly. And dont worry john babu, if it makes you feel better you may do this in the closet so no one can see :) dave and karkat, you no you want some of that sweet egbert ass. Go get it boys ;D and for gamzee: i love you, my patron troll. *huggles***

**Sumitted by R4zorSt4r:**

**A dare for the author, fill a bucket with rainbow paint and dump it on anyone, I think Karkat should have a break, but that's your choice...**

Author: Ooo yay, I get a dare!

**Submitted by .520:**

**(i think i already said somethning but just is case)  
dirk dave: have a sword fight while dressed like magic girls.  
jake john: do a sceene from an nic cage movie  
meenah and arenah: be invited  
feferi: hug equius with all your highblood goodness.  
karkat: get a break and slap any three people you want  
kanaya:wear something not in anyway stylish  
sollux: sit on karkat for however many chapters the author decides**

**Submitted by R4zorSt4r: (again? huh)**

**Well since you didn't get mine, allow me to explain, there are two videos called "Magic Cupcakes" watch them, it's worth it, maybe everyone can watch them with you.**

Anyway:

Karkat: My friend has a question, do trolls have nipples? (This is from my friend! Not me! I showed her this fic XD)  
John: Eat this cupcake (It's betty crocker, don't tell him until he eats it!)

**Submitted by XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX:**

**I have so many feels for just two pairings. Anyway...  
Dirk & Jake: Read Play By Heart ;3;  
Dave: Tell Dirk you love him so much and all that brother bonding shiz stuff. Fahkin adorable ;3;  
I guess that's all ;3;**

**Submitted by ZanyZ:**

**Heehee ok, I wanna bring an Oc in, if its ok... if nothan you can skip it.  
KR  
Karkat: lucky you, this one isn't as bad as my other one. Hang out with my friend, Leo :3  
Jane: SLOPPY MAKESOUTS WITH JAKE :D**

Author: Alright, not bad people, not bad! Firstly, we have a fan who wants to see some pretty odd ships. John, come here please!

John: ...

He walks over doing his best to avoid Rose and Dirk. Jade got over it a while ago.

Author: (You need to make out with Dave and Karkat.)

John: (what? eww!)

Author: (Well you're allowed to do it in the closet if you want...)

John: (wait, are you thinking what im thinking?)

Author: (haha, I was hoping you would catch on!) Dave! Karkat! In the closet with John now!

Karkat: WHAT?!

Dave: eww.

Author: Well go on!

_They very hesitantly go into the closet. John gives the author a thumbs up before he closes the door._

Author: Hee hee hee...

Dirk: Oh god.

_A few moments later John starts cracking up and opens the closet door. He managed to get Karkat and Dave to kiss each other. Everyone stares for a second trying to figure out what happened, and then they all laugh too._

Dave: oh god! what the fuck!

Karkat: HOLY FUCKING HELL, JOHN!

John: hahahahahahahaha!

Author: Sorry .520, but you set him up for that one. Good job, John! 5 down... umm... oh god, how many people do we have here now? Does maplehoof count? 1... 2...

Rose: Maplehoof excluded and counting Calliope and her brother as two different people, 24.

Author: Ah, thank you. 19 more to go, John!

Karkat: HE WON'T BE ABLE TO FINISH, I'M GOING TO KILL HIM FIRST.

John: dammit!

_John begins to run, but hides behind a doorways and trips Karkat thus knocking him out._

Dave: i wont chase you bro, that was actually a good prank.

John: thanks dave!

Author: Awesome. Next... well... I'll be right back.

_She sneaks to the kitchen and fills a bucket with rainbow paint. _

Author: Who to dump it on, who to dump it on... I'll choose it randomly!

_Randomization happens._ **With help from the author's brother, I might add.**

Author: I like who was picked!

_The author comes back in with the bucket, causing the trolls to cringe. She then proceeds to promptly dump it on Equius._

Equius: D - What the... hey! How dare you pol100t my clothing with this wretched substance!

Author: Hahahaha!

Equius: D - What could you have possibly had to gain from this?

Author: That was my dare, silly!

_She tosses the bucket in the corner and sits back down._

Author: Alright, the next dare would be for... Dave and Dirk!

**Shit, drank all my faygo.**

Author: Kanaya, we need two, and I quote, "magic girl" outfits.

Kanaya: What?

Author: I think dresses should do just fine.

Kanaya: Oh, Alright.

_Kanaya leads Dave and Dirk upstairs._

Author: While they do that, John and Jake can give us a little show. Why don't you two act out a scene from a Nic Cage movie?

John: yesss!

Jake: Come on, john!

_They then proceed to act out one of the worst scenes in the history of paradox space. When they're done, Dave and Dirk come back down in dresses and obviously quite embarrassed._

Dirk: Why are we doing this?

Author: Now you two are going to have a sword fight!

Dave: fuck.

_They proceed to have a sword fight, and as expected, Dave gets his ass kicked by his bro. It's still very interesting to watch. Too bad you weren't there._

Author: Remind me not to pick a fight with them.

Tavros: mE NEITHER,

Author: We have a request for two more guests! I hope nobody minds! If you did I'd bring them anyway, so yeah.

_Karkat slowly wakes up._

Karkat: OH GOD, WHY DOES MY HEAD HURT?

John: ... no reason...

_The author leaves and turns on the appearifier. A few moments later she walks back in with Aranea and Meenah._

Aranea: Hello!

Meenah. well would you look w) (o it is.

_Meenah smiles menacingly at Roxy. Her eyes widen._

Aranea: Oh hi Jake!

Jake: Oh my... *cleans glasses*

Jane: Uh, Jake? Who is this?

Feferi: are t) (ey our ancestors?

Author: Well... kinda!

_Aranea and Meenah join the circle. Introductions are made and everything is explained._

John: (do I need to prank them too?)

Author: (Yes.)

John: (but aranea seems so nice!)

Author: (Oh come on, it would be so funny!)

John: (well yeah...)

Author: Let's keep this game going then! Feferi, hug Equius. Equius, try not to sweat.

Feferi: okay!

Sollux: y0u actually want to d0 it?

Feferi: o) ( come on, sollux! it's only equius!

_She gets up and hugs Equius. He clearly has some sort of mini mental breakdown and begins to sweat, but Nepeta is ready with a fresh towel._

Author: Yay! Good job Feferi! Oh hey, Karkat, you've been granted a break.

Karkat: FINALLY!

Author: You may slap any three people. Any.

Karkat: HELL. FUCKING. YES.

_Karkat then proceeds to slap John, Eridan, and the author, who, admittedly, kind of deserved it._

Author: Ow... Okay, someone needs to pick out an outfit for Kanaya that is in not any way stylish.

Vriska: Just wear what Tavros is wearing.

Tavros: hEY!

Meenah: actually t) (ats not a bad idea. w) (at about w) (at clown boys wearing?

Author: You mean Gamzee?

_Kanaya's eyes widen in horror._

Kanaya: Please No.

Eridan: i think thats a wwonderful idea!

Author: It is. It is a wonderful idea. Go Kanaya! I think Gamzee has some extra clothes in his room!

Kanaya: This Is Awful. Just... Awful.

She reluctantly absconds.

Author: Fantastic! Now Sollux, sit on Karkat. Sit on him for the rest of the chapter.

Sollux: gladly!

_Sollux heads over to Karkat and they wrestle for a moment, but Sollux pins Karkat on the floor and sits on his back._

Karkat: WHY DIDN'T I SLAP YOU?

Sollux: go0d question.

**Yo, R4zorSt4r, I'll watch those vids later okay?**

Author: Now Karkat, here's a question for you. Do trolls have nipples?

Karkat: WHAT? FUCK NO, THAT'S GROSS. GOD.

Author: Well okay then. Here John, have a cupcake.

John: oh man, thanks!

_He practically devours the thing._

John: what kind of cupcake is this?

Author: Betty Crocker.

He spits it out on Rose. She tries to kill him again, but Terezi holds her back.

Author: Dirk and Jake, your turn! Read this story called Play By Heart.

Dirk: Already did.

Author: ...

Jake: ...

Eveyrone: ...

Author: Okay then. Yo Dave, come over here and tell your bro how much you love him and stuff.

Dave: i dont need to tell him that. he knows it. its like a bro telepathy thing.

Dirk: Yeah bro.

_They hug._

Author: Aww!

Dave: but the puppet thing is creepy.

Dirk: No way, man, puppets are cool.

_Dave facepalms._

**ZanyZ, we probably won't do that. Sorry man.**

Author: One more dare people, then that's it for this chapter! Guess what Jane? (hee hee hee!)

Jane: Oh god!

Author: No, really, it's not bad! Just sloppy make out time! With Jake!

_Jane blushes and looks over at Jake, who smiles at her. Then he looks over at Aranea and also blushes._

Jake: Do we have to do it right here?

Author: I guess you could do it in the closet, if it's really such a big deal... but why?

Jake: Oh, you know, just because! Come on, Jane!

Jane: O-Okay!

They make their way to the closet and Jane excitedly closes the door behind her.

Author: Aww.

Dirk: Rrrrrrrg.

Author: Shut up! Anyways, that's all for this chapter! I think it's time to wrap this up!

_Jake and Jane come out of the closet _**(ha!)**_ and Jane is smiling like it's fucking Christmas up in here._

Author: So yeah! See ya!


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, so I'm like looking at the future reviews right? And I see all these songs you people want the characters to sing. Mostly Karkat. And I'm like, what the fuck people? I skip over the song singing anyway. What do you gain from this? Funny reactions? They're pretty much all the same. You all need therapeutic help.**

**That being said, there will be no more singing. It's a waste of time.**

**I'm not mad or anything, but you need to admit it's a little weird.**

**Oh my god, it's so hard to write this with my brother playing Call Of Duty in the background. What is the appeal of that game?**

**Haha, sorry, I'm babbling. No, I will not delete it. Chapter 12!**

**There's a light snow falling, but the sun had been shining so brightly lately that the snow locking everyone in melted. Everyone decided to do the reviews outside today for some fresh air. The author is sitting on Maplehoof's back getting everything set up. Jane and Jake are sitting under a tree having another feelings jam, and John is in the tree above them grinning evily.**

John: (sorry nanna!)

_He opens a bag of fleas and empties it out over Jane and Jake._

John: (now that i think about it, this would have been better for jade... nah nevermind. thats a bit too mean!)

Jane: I'm not trying to pry or anything, but you've been drooling over Aranea ever since she got here! Did I miss something?

Jake: Oh Jane, it's not like that! It's just, she's so... oh my, what's that on your nose?

Jane: Huh?

_Jane screams and swipes the flea off her nose._

Jane: Oh god, there's some on you too!

They both start furiously brushing the fleas off and scratching their hair. Everyone looks up at the new comotion. John jumps down from the tree.

John: here jane, let me help...

He uses his windy powers to blow all the fleas off of her. After a nasty look from Jane he does it for Jake as well.

John: sorry guys, it had to be done!

Jade: You did that? That's so irresponsible, John! ... but it was a good prank!

Jake: (Thanks for getting me out of that awkward situation!)

John: (dude, dont lie to my grandma!)

Jake: (I'm not!)

Author: Good job John! 19 more to go!

John: you said 19 last time!

Author: Yes, but then Aranea and Meenah showed up.

Aranea: W8 what?

Vriska: Oh sure, SHE gets to use the eights...

Author: Well, this seems as good a time as any to get started on today's reviews! We're actually starting to catch up!

**Submitted by Homestucker:**

**hehehe you're welcome! that was so cute! 3 i'm taking it your a davejade shipper then?**

Author: Maaaaaaaaybe!

Vriska: Oh COME ON!

**Submitted by Homestucker101:**

**I dare Equius to slow dance with Feferi and Aridia.  
I also dare Virska to lick Tavros's horn.**

**Submitted by Homestucker: (again)**

**yay! please put them up soon these are so funny! i have a couple truths today.  
Dave: what are your feelings for jade?  
Jade: what are your feelings for dave? (i have an idea for how you could do that. have them both write down their feelings on some paper and then you read them out loud so like whoever goes first doesnt change the others)  
Nepeta: what is your favorite ship that doesn't include you?**

**Submitted by Katastrophe666:**

**:D These are soooooo good!  
I Dare Jane and who ever wants to help to bake a AMAZING cake for Karkat, but have** **Nepeta Jump out of it in a cute kitty costume! I feel bad for him.  
I dare Eridan to be the rider with Equius as his hoof beast!**

**Submitted by BOB:**

**DARE AND TRUTH tAVROS ADMIT YOUR TRUE FEELING FOR VISKA THE VISKA I DARE YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH TAVROS FOR 1 HOUR  
KARKAT SING A SONG ABOUT CUDLEFISH AND SQUIDLES**

Author: No more singing!

**Submitted by shenza:**

**hey guys. ok so karkat i want you to sing the songs "Won't Say I Feel Flushed", "hey there harley", "love me drowned", "matespritship", and "grismas songs". aradia, feferi, you two have two sing "s0meb0dy t)(at he used t0 kn0w". and karkat one more thing, you have to kiss jonh, jade, eridan, and gamzee. bye**

Author: NO MOTHERFUCKING SINGING!

Gamzee: calm down, sister.

Author: *sigh* Thanks Gamz.

**Submitted by gia monic:**

**I'm not even sorry.**

I'm really not.

Karkat - Dare: Rant for 10 minutes straight about how much you *hate* everyone.

Everyone - Dare: You must listen. Must. Even if you're currently doing a dare in which you're doing something else, just put it on pause or something.

Author/Karkat/Eridan/Casey/Everyone? - Dare: Author, please appearify (however you spell that darn word) Casey for this. Those mentioned above, please sing the song Glub-a-glub. (YouTube song. Look it up, it's beautiful.) Author, everyone involved in the music video must do what they did in the video itself, so pretty much like a recreation I think. For the parts involving Doc Scratch, Lord English, the grubs, etc, just use your imagination or whatever for filling those parts. AND RECORD IT. MAKE THIS SHIT GOOD! :D

Gamzee - Dare: Chug all the Faygo. All of it.

THAT IS ALL I HOPE I DID BETTER LENGTH-WISE.

Author: You did do better length-wise, thank you. Oh Equius! Do you know how to slow dance?

Equius: D - Of course.

Author: Good! Dance with Fef!

Equius: D - Uhh... umm... do I have permission?

Author: Yes.

Feferi: yes!

Sollux: n0.

Author: Shut up.

_Equius walks hesitantly over to Feferi and holds out his hand like the gentleman he is. It would only be better if he were wearing a tux. They start to slow dance much to Sollux's horror. _

Feferi: glub, equius! you're a good dancer!

Equius: D - U-Uhh... nnnnn...

Feferi: ) (ee ) (ee!

They finish. Feferi walks back to Sollux and consoles him.

Author: Now Aradia.

Sollux: holy fuck.

Equius: D - No.

Author: Oh please, the hemospectrum thing doesn't even matter here! Just do it!

Aradia: come on, equius!

_Before he can resist Aradia grabs him and begins to lead the dance. He immediately takes over, and Sollux looks ready to kill him. When they finish, Aradia kindly thanks him and he goes back over to Nepeta in a huff._

Author: Someone calm Sollux down.

Aradia: i got it.

_Aradia walks over and assissts Feferi in keeping him from murdering Equius._

Author: Cool! Next, Vriska, you've been dared to lick Tavros' horn.

_She facepalms._

Vriska: You've got to be joking.

Tavros: pLEASE BE JOKING,

Author: Nope!

_Vriska goes over to Tavros and sticks out her tongue, but hesitates to lick him. Terezi pushes her into it._

Vriska: Ow! Terezi! I bit my tongue!

Terezi: H33 H33 H33!

Vriska: Bitch!

Terezi: B4CK 4T YOU.

Author: Calm down, ladies. Let's refocus our focus. Alright, Dave and Jade! Let's get some feelings out there! I want you both to write down your feelings for each other, and then give them to me. We're doing this so you don't change your answers based on what the other person says, like Jane.

Jane: Yeah...

_Dave and Jade take the papers from the author and start to write. The author pets Maplehoof's mane while she waits. She's really become attached to this stupid old horse. If only it were real. Dave and Jade finish up and hand the papers back to the author._

Author: Cool, guys. Who's should we read first?

John: dave's!

Dave: shut the fuck up, egbert.

Jade: wait, youre reading these out loud?

Author: Okay, Dave's! Ahem. "i think jade is pretty cute and funny and a fantastic friend, and i care for her a lot." Well thought out Dave.

Jade: can i have mine back?

Dave: thanks.

Jade: like now?

Author: I was being sarcastic.

Jade: please?

Dave: i know.

Jade: WOOF!

Author: Right! Jade's paper!

Jade: ...

Author: "dave, i think youre very amazing and, well, i do have some feelings for you and-"

Jade: okay you can shut up now!

_Terezi looks at Jade with a newfound jealousy. Dave just looks a but surprised._

Author: Do you need to have a feelings jam?

Jade: no! nonono! thats fine!

Author: Okey dokey. Moving on. Nepeta, what is your favorite ship that DOESN'T include you?

Nepeta: :33 ohhhh, thats a tough one! umm... oh, there is this one ship thats especially confusing!

Author: Which one?

Nepeta: :33 the one fur John and WV! whats even going on there?

John: youve got to be kitten me.

Author: HA!

Nepeta: :33 h33 h33, good one!

John: thanks, ive been saving it! but no, he's just some friend of mine. i think he's my exile, too.

_WV looks at him happily._

Author: Next up! Jane, would you mind baking Karkat a cake? You can get help if you'd like. Remember, you still can't eat any Betty Crocker products.

Jane: I would love to! Would someone come with me to taste test?

Roxy: i wlil!

Jane: Not while you're drunk, you won't.

Roxy: ughg fine!

Rose: John knows a lot about baking.

John: dammit rose.

_She sticks her tongue out at him. Jane and John head inside._

Karkat: FINALLY SOME FUCKING RESPECT AROUND HERE! YOU SHOULD ALL BE BRINGING ME FOOD!

Author: (Nepeta, go with them! Show them this dare!)

_The author hands her a slip of paper with the dare on it. Nepeta shrieks in delight and follows them inside._

Karkat: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

Author: Nothing, nothing. While we wait for them, Equius! Be the rider!

_Equius moves toward Maplehoof but the author stops him._

Author: No, not Maplehoof. Eridan.

Eridan: wwait wwhat?

Equius: D - I don't understand why all these dares have to do with highb100ds. It's une%ceptional.

Author: Stop being a pussy and ride Eridan like a hoofbeast!

_Equius cautiously goes over to Eridan and forces him onto the ground, then mounts him. That's pretty much as far as it gets._

Author: Good job Equius. I guess. Tavros! Tell Vriska how you feel about her! No hesitation!

Tavros: uHH, wELL, i DON'T LIKE HER VERY MUCH AT ALL,,,

Vriska: 8ut I help you so much! You should really appreciate me more!

Author: Vriska, was that an eight?

Vriska: Dammit!

Author: Make it up to me by making out with Tavros.

Vriska: What? No!

Author: Actually that's your dare.

Vriska: Shit!

_She walks over to Tavros and makes out with him, uneventfully._

Author: For an hour.

Vriska: No.

Author: Yes.

Vriska: No.

Author: Yes.

Vriska: No.

Author: Take it up with BOB.

Vriska: Fine, no.

**BOB: Yes.**

Vriska: No.

**BOB: Yes.**

Vriska: No.

**BOB: Yes.**

Vriska: No.

**BOB: Fine.**

Author: Cool. Karkat also has some kissing to do. A lot of kissing.

Karkat: FUUUUUUUUCK.

Vriska: grrrrrrr...

Author: Vriska, how many r's was that?

Vriska: Seven! Seven r's! Count them!

Author: Oh hey. Never mind. Anyways, Karkat, first you need to kiss John, but he's inside, so I guess you can kiss Jade.

Karkat: NO I CAN'T.

Author: Yes you can! You are perfectly capable of doing that!

Karkat: SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE ELSE, DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO FUCK THAT UP?

Jade: dont you dare use my feelings to your advantage!

Karkat: DO YOU WANT ME TO KISS YOU?

Jade: ... good point.

Author: Too bad, you have to do it anyway.

_Karkat goes over to Jade and probably sets the record for the world's fastest kiss._

Aradia: does that count?

Sollux: wait i missed it

**WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL?! I get off for one night, ONE NIGHT, and there are 50 reviews! Are you all motherfucking insane? DO YOU SEE HOW WEIRD THIS IS?**

**Whew, sorry. I had to get that out of my system.**

Author: Alright, now kiss Eridan.

Karkat: OH MY GOD. NO. NO. HELL. FUCKING. NO.

Author: Yes, yes, hell fucking yes now do it!

Eridan: ... wwell come on then.

Karkat: YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS, AREN'T YOU?

_Karkat goes over, and although reluctantly, kisses Eridan. John starts cracking up._

Karkat: WHEN DID YOU GET OUT HERE?

John: a couple minutes ago! we finished the cake!

Karkat: OH GOD YES, I NEED A BREAK.

Author: Wait, kiss John first.

John: wait what

_Karkat kisses John before he can do anything about it and grabs a knife. He's about to cut a piece out of the cake when Nepeta bursts out and tacklepounces him, causing him to scream and pass out._

Nepeta: :33 oops.

Author: Well that gives Karkat an excuse to not do the rest of his dares... too bad! His next one said he could rant about how much he hated everyone for 10 minutes. I guess today is just not his day.

John: eww! oh god! why did he do that?

Author: A dare.

John: blargh!

Author: I guess that just leaves one more dare. Gamz, chug all the faygo. All of it.

Gamzee: WILL DO

_He absconds._

Author: Well, that's it for chapter 12! I hope you all enjoyed, and farewell!

**Quick update: Vriska now has 5 more chapters to go. Chapter 10 did not count. In case you were wondering.**


	13. Chapter 13

**So, um, sorry, but I kind of took a break. I hope that's understandable. That's why there was such a delay with this chapter.**

**It's the evening of the same day. Everyone is inside and the majority of the characters are playing hide and seek. It was Nepeta's idea. It is currently Terezi's turn to seek, but the author quit to check the reviews. Terezi had just found Jade and now just about everyone else playing was screwed.**

Terezi: C4N YOU SM3LL 4NYON3?

Jade: no, can you?

Terezi: 1 H34RD SOM3ON3 UPST41RS 4 F3W M1NUT3S 4GO.

Jade: wait! i think ive got something!

_Jade starts to sniff around the room and makes her way over to the closet, but no one is inside._

Jade: there was a cat in here.

Terezi: J4SP3RSPR1T3?

Jade: i think so!

Terezi: TH4TS NOT F41R, H3 C4N L1KE GO THROUGH W4LLS 4ND STUFF!

Jade: but so can i! ill go get him!

_Jade disappears through the back wall of the closet. Terezi continues the investigation on her own. She makes her way up the stairs and takes a big whiff of air._

Terezi: OH K444444RK44444T...

She turns to the upstairs bathroom and slowly opens the door. You can't see anyone, but she can't see at all, so it doesn't matter. She opens the cupboard under the sink and Karkat falls out.

Karkat: I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SEEK.

Terezi: QU1T B31NG 4 POOR SPORT 4ND H3LP M3 W1N!

Jade: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Jaspersprite: HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

_Terezi and Karkat run out into the hallway to find Jade chasing Jaspersprite down the stairs._

Terezi: GOOD JOB J4DE! G1V3 UP J4SP3RS, YOU'R3 C4UGHT!

Jaspersprite: aww!

Author: Sorry to interrupt, but you all know what time it is!

Everyone once again makes their way to the recreation room. Everyone except John.

Author: Hey, where's John? Is he still hiding?

Roxy: eprhaps... hahaha...

_Suddenly the author's computer ex-_

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Hey, sorry about that. John made my computer explode. I had to go appearify a new one after I clocked him in the face. I should really carry around no less than five computers at a time, like a sensible person. **

Author: Well, I'll give you that John. So you got Roxy's help?

John: yep!

Author: Alright, well, 8 down, 18 to go! Now let's see what reviews we'll use today...

**Submitted by shenza:**

**ok karkat:sing the songs love me drowned , won't say i feel flushed , karkalicious , and grismas songs. and you have to kiss john and gamzee.**

**Submitted by ludroth:**

**I must admit, I had my doubts about this story at first, but it has turned out to be far funnier then expected  
Keep up the good work.  
anyways, dares:**

Dave: throw buckets at karkat.  
Karkat: throw smuppets at Dave  
Eridan: reject scarves and capes for the next two chapters  
Equius: I order you to disobey this order

That is all for now

Author: Thanks! I know the first few chapters aren't all that great but I appreciate that you took the time to keep reading!

**Submitted by TheNerdGirl:**

**Alright, I have dares.  
Karkat: stare at Eridan's body for 10 minutes, then give a super detailed summery of what you saw. No cons though, only pros. please do the same for John.  
Karkat: Every time you blushes for the rest of the chapter, Terezi has to lick you. (Every one else can do things to try to make him blush too. It is totally sexy when he blushes.)  
Author: (this isn't a dare) please tell karkat that I don't mean to make him go through hell with these dares, he is my favorite.**

**Submitted by MusicallyCapricious:**

**John: develop a disgust for Jane and Jakes incestual Sloppy makeouts. Tell them off, preferably comparing it to his homophobia.  
Eridan: Sloppy make out with Sollux. Afterward, write a breath taking poem thanking him for it. Feferi must read it aloud.  
Sollux: Wear sexy bucket on head during said Makeout.  
Dirk: Sing epic version of "You Belong With Me" to Jake.**

Author: curiouskat88, what the hell? Sending in five reviews in a row is pretty much the same thing as sending in one long one.

**Submitted by curiouskat88:**

**Dave: truth, is your bro (basically dirk) or you cooler?  
Dave, again: dare, DO THE CINNNAMON CHALLENGE! Lets see how well you can keep up that poker face! ;)  
John: dare. do the windy thing, outside of course!**

**Submitted by curiouskat88:**

**Dave: Cinnamon challenge! Right now, go swallow a spoonful of cinnamon, no chewing!  
Karkat: truth, do you have any black feelings towards dave?  
Trolls: explain to the humans why you are all so consciencious about buckets. And no skipping out on anything.  
Dave: Dare, go for one chapter locked in a room without any strifing materials or weapons and no communication devices filled with fifty smuppets with a web cam watching you. We will be watching.  
Dirk: DO you like Jake?**

Author: Good mixture of truths and dares, guys! Karkat, you kissed John yesterday, but you passed out before you could kiss Gamzee and you've been re-dared, so...

Karkat: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT ME TO FUCKING KISS SOMEONE?

Gamzee: theres nothing wrong with kissing your motherfuckin moirail, brother

Karkat: I GUESS I'D RATHER KISS YOU THAN JOHN.

John: i don't know if i should be insulted or relieved...

_Gamzee and Karkat share a quick kiss and move on as if nothing happened._

Author: Oh yay! Dave, go grab some buckets!

_Dave absconds_

Vriska: Why does the audience insist on using buckets!

Author: I dunno! Why are you asking me?

Vriska: Cause you're in cahoots!

Author: No we're not!

Vriska: Cahoots I say!

Dave: i got like five. is that okay?

Author: That's just fine! Throw them at Karkat.

Karkat: WAIT WHAT?

_Dave chucks a bucket at Karkat's head. It's any wonder the guy isn't bleeding._

Karkat: OW! WHAT THE FUCK?

Author: Well get back at him! Throw a smuppet!

_He does. Dave loses his cool for a second and slams it on the ground, then chucks another bucket at Karkat. This fight goes on for a few minutes before the author breaks it up and moves on._

Author: Eridan, you need to reject all scarves and capes for the next two chapters, not including this one.

Eridan: wwell, it's better than wwearing a bucket i suppose...

_He takes off his cape and scarf reluctantly. Tavros puts them on Maplehoof. Maplehoof suddenly looks 300% more badass._

Author: All that horse needs is a purple hair streak and we have a new Eridan!

Eridan: hmph.

Author: Now Equius, you have been ordered to disobey this order.

Equius: D - Wait what?

Author: You heard me.

_Equius just sits there confused and staring into space for a little while. The author starts to think she broke him when he asks Nepeta for a towel._

Author: If you can figure out how that works, let me know.

Equius: D - ...

Author: Karkat, guess what?

Karkat: OH GOOOOD.

Author: You need to stare at Eridan's body for 10 minutes, then give us all a very detailed description of what you saw.

Karkat: YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?

Author: Nope!

Eridan: should i... take off my shirt or something?

Author: God no, slow down fish boy! The review does not specify any clothing removal!

Eridan: other than my scarf and cape.

Author: Correct.

Karkat: CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY?

_Karkat begins to lazily stare at Eridan. You get a good feeling he's not going to pay much attention to this dare._

Author: Cool, I think we can fit in another dare while you're doing your thing over there. Jake, Jane, sorry, but I kinda need to tell John about your feelings jam.

_Jake's eyes widen. Jane looks horrified._

Roxy: wait what

Jake: Just John though, right?

Author: Well... yeah, kinda... John! C'mere!

_The author leads John into the kitchen and starts to explain what happened and explains his dare. _

John: damn it! i pranked them already!

Author: THAT'S what you're upset about?

John: well yeah!

Author: So your good buddy Jake sloppily making out with your nanna doesn't make you the slightest bit uncomfortable?!

John: well... i guess so... a little... it is a bit odd.

_The author facepalms._

Author: You need to develop a disgust for it, John! You don't even like all this romantic crap!

John: well that's true.

Author: You understand that if this keeps going unopposed, it will just keep escalating right?

John: e-escalating?

Author: Yes, escalating.

John: ...

Author: Yeah.

_John and the author head back out and rejoin the group. Jane is afraid to even look at John, and Jake is blushing._

John: are you INSANE?

Jake: W-What?

John: YOU MADE OUT WITH MY NANNA, JAKE!

Author: (Yessssssss!)

Jane: Oh my god.

Roxy: goood job janey!

John: you didnt even tell me! what the fuck, dude?

Jake: Well... uhh...

Dirk: ...

Jane: John, please calm down!

John: i will NOT calm down! that is extremely irresponsible! i would understand if it had been a dare, but IT FUCKING WASN'T!

Rose: Wow, John can actually feel responsible.

Dave: right?

Jane: Hey, you aren't in charge of me!

John: well as it turns out, i am! im your grandfather too! and unless its a dare, i forbid you from any more sloppy make outs, you hear me?

Jane: I CAN DO WHAT I WANT, JOHN! I'M OLDER THAN YOU, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Jake: This is very awkward...

John: DON'T YOU TALK TO ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE!

Rose: Okay! John, you might need to go calm down somewhere that's anywhere but here...

Roxy: come on darlign, we need to get you a drink...

_Rose and Roxy bring them to opposite ends of the house to cool down._

Author: Jeez, that was intense.

Jake: Tell me about it...

Author: So... uhh... Karkat! Go ahead, tell us in detail what you saw about Eridan!

Karkat: I WAS KIND OF PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO THE SHOW OVER THERE...

Author: That's fine, we just need to change the subject!

Karkat: AGREED. WELL... I SAW A BLACK SHIRT... AND IT HAD THIS PURPLE AQUARIUS SYMBOL ON IT... AND HE'S WEARING A PAIR OF BLUE AND BLACK STRIPED PANTS...

Author: Is that really the best you can do?

Karkat: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

Author: Fine, point taken. Yo Sollux! Go put a bucket on your head!

Sollux: why? thats disgusting!

Author: Do it you pussy!

Sollux: 0h god, fine!

_He places a "sexy bucket" on his head. The author whistles._

Author: Now have sloppy make outs with Eridan.

Eridan: wwhy do they all wwant everyone to have sloppy make outs?

Author: I have no idea!

Sollux: d0 we have to?

Author: Well yeah. Feferi has to watch.

Feferi: oooooo) (...

_Sollux and Eridan then proceed to have sloppy make outs, much to Feferi's horror. Kanaya comforts her._

Sollux: that was awful.

Eridan: agreed.

Author: Eridan, don't be that way! You need to write a letter to Sollux thanking him for that! Then give it to me.

Eridan: *sigh* god, fine!

Vriska: You seem oddly willing to do that.

Eridan: oh please, i dont wwant to!

Vriska: Suuuuuuure...

_The author looks at her skeptically._

Vriska: Count them! There are seven, I swear!

Author: Okey dokey.

_John and Rose make their way a back into the room, with John looking quite tired. Rose elbows him in the side._

John: ow! oh, right, uhh... sorry everyone... for, ya know, blowing up like that...

Jade: dont apologize to us, silly!

John: i couldnt really find jane...

Author: God, I hope Roxy isn't getting her drunk. Eridan, you done yet?

Eridan: yes, here.

_He throws it in the author's direction angrily. She picks it up, glaring at him._

Eridan: you wwont be able to read it.

Author: That's fine! I won't be reading it, Feferi will!

Feferi: Wait what?

Author: Here you go!

_The author passes the note over to her._

Feferi: Well, um, okay... "sollux, thank you for that kiss you fucking asshole."

Author: Really? That's it?

Eridan: wwhat?

Author: Nothing, I just thought it would be... more eventful.

Eridan: i assumed you wwould be reading it out loud, i wwasnt going to wwrite anything embarrassing.

Author: Well shit. Now you guys are catching on. I may need to fix that. Somehow. Hmm. Anyways! Dave, truth, who do you think is cooler? You or Dirk?

Dave: dirk. other than the puppet thing.

Dirk. Puppets. Are. Cool.

Dave: no, bro, they aren't!

Author: Let's avoid another family argument, okay? Hehehe... Dave, have you heard of the cinnamon challenge?

Dave: yeah

Aradia: whats that?

Author: It's where you put a spoonful of cinnamon in your mouth and try to swallow it without choking yourself. Go ahead Dave, do it!

_The author hands Dave a spoon and a small bottle of cinnamon that she had apparently been carrying around the whole time. Don't ask. Dave pours out a spoonful and puts it in his mouth. He sits there for a couple moments, but then starts to choke and spits the cinnamon out on Terezi._

Dave: ugh! blech!

Terezi: D4V3!

Dave: oh, sorry...

Author: Hey John, lets head outside and then you can do the windy thing!

John: oh alright!

Jake: I might skip out, Jane's been gone a long time...

_He gets up to leave but Dirk grabs his arm._

Dirk: She's fine, she just needs to calm down.

Jake: Are you sure?

Dirk: Positive.

Everyone heads outside and John does the windy thing, quite ecstatically. He heads around the house and out of everyone's view. After a few minutes people start to get worried.

Author: Where did he go?

Vriska: Oh, I'll go get him.

_She flies around the house._

Rose: He's just going to prank her, you know.

Author: Hehe, yeah I know!

_Vriska screams, then John starts to crack up._

Author: 9 down...

Vriska: John, you asshole! Don't do that!

John: oh come on, vriska, it wasnt that bad!

_Vriska comes back around the house dragging a laughing John, who's covered in fake blood._

Author: Fake your death?

John: yep!

Author: Nice!

Vriska: Not nice!

Author: Oh calm yourself and let's go back inside.

_They head back inside and see that Jane and Roxy were waiting for them in the rec room. It was obvious Jane had been drinking. It was obvious Roxy was always drinking._

John: oh... uhh... jane!

_She looks up at him, glaring._

John: i wanted to apologize for, well, blowing up like that. youre right, i cant tell you what to do! im just concerned is all.

Jane: Well thans. (asshole)

_She flops over on her back._

Author: Don't mind her, she's drunk. We should really cut back on the alcohol content in this house. So Karkat, do you have any black feelings toward Dave?

Karkat: WHAT? NO! NO, I JUST HATE HIM! LIKE, I ACTUALLY WANT HIM TO DIE.

Dave: ditto.

Author: Cool, now Dave, come with me!

_The author leads Dave upstairs, then shoves him in a room full of smuppets and locks the door behind him._

Author: Just chill in here for the rest of the chapter, alright?

_A sword gets stabbed through the door and almost hits the author._

Author: Oh, don't be like that. Oh and don't forget, we'll be watching!

_She heads back downstairs and pulls up the webcam in that room up on her laptop, then shows everyone. It shows Dave starting to lose his cool, then looking around the room for the camera. Once he spots it he chucks his sword directly at it and the feed is cut off._

Author: Well shit. Now, for the trolls, we're quite curious on why you're so conscious about cleaning supplies!

John: yeah, whats up with that?

Kanaya: Well It's Like... Umm...

Aradia: well, lets say your custodian makes a mess on the floor.

Tavros: pRETEND HE DEFECATED,

Aradia: right! well you cant just leave that on the floor, can you?

Rose: This is an odd explanation, but go on.

Vriska: Leaving your custodian's defecation on the floor is like leaving your cleaning supplies out, they're both extremely disrespectful.

Terezi: SO YOU PUT TH3M 4W4Y 4S SOON 4S POSS1BL3.

Jade: oh, i think i get it!

John: yeah, that kind of makes sense.

Author: Well thank you! Now one more question... Dirk, although we all pretty much know the answer anyway, do you like Jake?

Dirk: ...

Jake: ...

Dirk: Yes.

Jane: (Fuck)

Author: Cool. Well that's all for chapter 13! Sorry for the big wait on this chapter. I hope you all keep reading, and farewell!


	14. Chapter 14

**Jegus, taking one day off really sets you behind. 62 reviews people? You are all insane. On so many levels. It's nuts. Now you should really see the traffic graph for this story! There were 708 views yesterday! Insanity. Absolute insanity. Do you understand that I'm not even a good writer? Is that understandable?**

**Oh my. Harry Potter is intense. Hermione gets upset easily, doesn't she?**

**I'm just kidding, you can't answer that. You're only reading this. Why do I keep asking you questions? It would be nice if you could answer that for me. Alas, you cannot. Damn.**

**It's a clear night, with a full moon. I don't remember if there was a full moon in an earlier chapter or not and I'm not going to go check. It's my story. There can be a full moon every fucking night for all I care. And what are you going to do about it? You're going to sit there and read this story. So ha. The cast has been up for a while now, most unable to sleep. The author suggested they do some reviews to tire them out, and they went along with it.**

**Submitted by curiouskat88:**

**dave: if you could change one thing that happened to you without even affecting your alpha dave status and timeline, what would it be?  
karkat: yes we do love torturing you! go for a day watching only nick cage movies in a locked room only the author can get you out of. and with john.  
vriska:**

Author: I guess Vriska does nothing.

Vriska: wait what?

**Submitted by curiouskat88:**

**dave: go for a day without swearing. and then right after proceed to have a rap off with dirk.  
jane: tell john that you are the heir to betty crocker.  
dirk: admit if you like jake.  
author: let me give you a pounce hug! :)  
nepeta: admit to karkat within one hour that you like him. sorry sweetie but you are never going to if you dont now!  
jade: use your space powers to get cal and**

Author: Bro, finish your reviews.

**Submitted by curiouskat88:**

**karkat: admit to everyone your blood color. really they all at least semi respect you! as a leader or friend or fellow troll. even if they wont admit it.  
dave: bleat like a goat. and admit the most embarassing thing that you did for irony's sake.**

**Submitted by XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX:**

**Well... I guess I'll make a few of you guys happy... So this will be probably the last time unless I get more feels.  
Karkat: Do anything you want. And I mean ANYTHING. Don't hold back and violence. And the author can't stop you!  
Jane: (I'm sorry Jane ;3;) Seduce Jake. ;3  
Dirk & Jake: You must act out a scene in play by heart. My feels are tingling right now. ;3;  
Eridan: PROCEED THE SLOPPY MAKE-OUTS WITH FEFERI! Sollux, you will do nothing about it!  
That's all! ;3; *looks at author* (\O u O/) Hug?**

**Submitted by NotAlwaysRainbowsAndButterfl ys:**

**These updates were amazing  
Hmm...  
Let's see,  
Meenah- dare: have a feelings jam with Feferi.  
Aranea- dare: no eights! I can't remember whether she uses them or not. But if she does, then It's no fair she can use them when Vriska can't.  
Also Dirk-Jake: feelings jam, the kind that ends in sloppy make outs :)  
I'm super tired so that's all I've got right now.  
Looking forward to the next chapter!**

Author: Now this review is a little further down the road, but absolutely necessary. I know I'm skipping a bunch of others but I'll go back to them in Chapter 15.

**Submitted by Gilbird-For-President:**

**(Dare) Nepeta: Arrange a seating chart based on your favorite ships.  
(Dare) Everyone: Sit by the seating chart.**

Author: We need a seating chart. Pretty bad. Yo Nepeta!

Nepeta: :33 *ac yawns and sleepily says yes?*

Author: You get a fun little project tonight. We need a seating chart for when we do these reviews, and you get to make them based off your favorite ships!

Nepeta: :33 *ac perks up and mews with delight, then gets started right away!*

_She grabs a pencil and some paper and begins to draw a diagram. Everyone waits around patiently for her to finish. When she's done she hands the author the paper, looking very satisfied with her work. The author reads the chart out loud. In order, starting with the author, it goes like this in a circle:_

_The author, WV, John, Rose, Kanaya, Gamzee, Karkat, Nepeta, Equius, Aradia, Sollux, Feferi, Eridan, Vriska, Tavros, Jade, Dave, Terezi, Meenah, Aranea, Jake, Jane, Dirk, Roxy, Calliope, Jaspersprite. _

_Everyone moves into their spots, but nobody seems terribly upset. Except Kanaya, of course._

**You have no idea how long it took me to figure that out.**

Author: So yeah. We'll all be sitting by that chart from now on. Maplehoof can just... ya know... be anywhere, I guess.

_Maplehoof whinnies._

Author: Good horse. Best Friend. Now! Dave, if you could change one thing that happened to you without affecting your alpha timeline, what would it be?

Dave: well, i would have liked to avoid being fuck deep in puppet ass trying to get those discs from my bro... not getting the shit beat out of me would've been nice too...

Author: It was worth it though, right?

Dave: ... sure. lets go with that.

Author: Cool. Now you need to go for an entire day without swearing, is that alright?

Dave: its not terrible.

Author: Now have a rap-off with Dirk.

Dave: without swearing?!

Author: Yes.

Dirk: Come on, bro, you can manage. It won't change the outcome anyways, I'll still beat you.

Dave: we'll see about that!

_They then proceed to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space. Naturally Dirk is the winner._

Dave: hmph.

Dirk: Told you.

Author: That was cool. That was so cool.

Jade: so cool.

Terezi: SO CO-

Author: We don't have time for that gag! So Jane, come here one sec.

_Jane heads over and the author whispers something in her ear._

Jane: Oh! Do I have to? He's just going to yell at me again!

Author: I think he's over that. Now go on.

Jane: *sigh* John, did you know that I'm the heir to the Betty Crocker Corporation?

John: ... you mean that was real?

Jane: Yes.

John: ...

Dave: shi-

Rose: Don't swear.

Dave: oh right. dang it jane! you broke him again!

_John: Mental Breakdown_

**curiouskat88, I would absolutely adore a pouncehug!**

_**curiouskat88 pouncehugs the author, and she embraces him happily.**_

**Back to the story!**

Author: Now Nepeta...

_The author grabs Nepeta and leads her out of the room._

Author: Darling, you need to admit to Karkat within the hour how you feel about him.

Nepeta: :33 so soon? im not ready yet!

Author: Oh please, if you don't do it now you'll never work up the courage to later! Besides, it is a dare, so it's understandable!

Nepeta: :33 well... okay...

_They head back to the group and take their places. Nepeta looks a bit nervous._

Author: You have a whole hour darling, calm down.

Nepeta: :33 ...

Equius: D - What is it?

Nepeta: :33 oh, nothing...

I know I'm skipping a couple dares, but that's either because they've been done already or, like in the next one's case, is just re-stating something everybody knows.

Author: Dave, bleat like a goat please.

Dave: is that a dare?

Author: Yup. Do it for irony's sake.

_He does. For ironic purposes only. It still causes everyone to laugh._

Author: Now speaking of irony, admit to us the most embarrassing thing you've ever done for ironic purposes.

Dave: probably that!

Author: Good point! Now... uhh... shiiiiiiiit... Karkat, you now have permission to do... anything you want... no holding back...

Karkat: THANK FUCKING GOD! FIRST THING'S FIRST...

_Karkat picks up a bucket and whacks Eridan upside the head with it._

Eridan: wwhy you little piece of...

_Eridan tries to attack Karkat but the author stops him._

Author: Calm down! He's allowed to do anything, we can't stop him!

Eridan: that is absolutely ridiculous!

Author: Well he has had a hard time...

_Karkat then places the bucket on Sollux's head and proceeds to torture the remainder of the cast in a similar fashion. _

Author: Okay Karkat, that's enough now. You've had your fill.

Karkat: THANK WHOEVER GAVE ME THAT DARE.

**Karkat says thanks.**

**XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX: I know, I read it.**

**Cool. **

Author: Now Jane, honey, come here.

Jane: Haven't I done enough?

Author: No!

Jane: Oh fine...

Author: (Go ahead and seduce Jake!)

Jane: (Seduce?!)

Author: (Yes. Seduce.)

Jane: (What do you mean?)

Author: (Like, you know, flirt with him and stuff. Have fun!)

Jane: (You want me to have fun while Dirk stares at me condescendingly.)

Author: (Yes.)

Jane: (You are messed up.)

Author: (I know! Now go on!)

_Jane moves back to her seat. The author nods at her, and she smiles at Jake and waves. Jake waves back, looking a bit confused. She then blows a kiss at him, getting a dirty look from Dirk._

Author: Coolio. Nothing weird here.

_John sneaks up behind Kanaya and Gamzee, ready to empty another bag of fleas on them, but the author gives him a dirty look and he walks away. If he poured those fleas on them inside, they would never be able to find them all._

Author: So, moving on! Eridan, you get to have some sloppy makeouts!

Eridan: get to?

Author: Well yeah. I assumed you would be thrilled.

Eridan: wwhy?

Author: It's with Feferi.

Eridan perks up. Feferi's eyes widen. She looks at Sollux, who is starting to get really worked up.

Eridan: i think that can be arranged.

Feferi: O) (, no it cant...

Author: Yes it can!

_The author moves behind Sollux and restrains him while Eridan starts to make out with Feferi. The author cant contain him simply by pinning him on the ground, and has to recruit Aradia's help to keep him from killing someone. She manages to calm him down and keep him distracted until Eridan and Feferi finish._

Sollux: thanks aa...

Aradia: no problem!

Feferi: I t) (ink you got too muc) ( enjoyment out of t) (at, -Eridan...

Eridan: so?

Feferi: ) (mp) (.

I should be asking you for a hug, XxNepetaRainbowAkemixX!

They embrace.

Awesome. Just awesome.

Author: Okay, we have a request for a feelings jam between Meenah and Feferi! Odd.

Meenah: ) (mm. Alrigh) (t, I guess that's fine.

Feferi: I dont t) (ink it will be muc) ( of a feelings jam at all...

Meenah and Feferi abscond.

_Jane yawns._

Jane: I'm getting quite tired...

_She leans on Jake's shoulder._

Jane: Is this okay?

Jake: Uhh... i guess so...

_The author smiles at Jane, and she winks back. John comes back into the room with a bucket filled to the brim with something, once again sneaking up on Kanaya and Gamzee. He pours it on them, drops the bucket on Kanaya's head, and runs. He's starting to learn._

Kanaya: What... What Is This?!

Gamzee: IT DOESN'T TASTE SO HOT.

_The author starts to laugh._

Author: That's clothing dye! Haha! Good one John!

Kanaya: This Is What?

Author: Pink cloth dye! It won't come out of your outfit and it could take you days to get it out of your hair!

Kanaya: ... Oh My God.

Gamzee: that's awesome :o)

_Kanaya gets up and starts to make her way after John._

Author: Whoa, wait! Give me the lipstick first.

_She reluctantly throws her lipstick at the author and starts to chase after John._

Author: How has that kid not died yet?

Rose: It's a wonder.

Author: Well, 11 down, 15 to go! Almost halfway through. Now Aranea, you are no longer permitted to use your eight quirk for as long as Vriska is.

Aranea: Well I suppose that's fair!

Vriska: How much longer do I need to put up with this?

Author: Till chapter 17.

Vriska: That long?!

Author: Yup.

Author: Oh look, another feelings jam. Those are awesome. Dirk, Jake, get going!

Jane: wait, what?

Jake: Well, uh, sorry jane, but i guess i need to go now...

Dirk: Come on.

_Dirk yanks Jake to his feet and pulls him out of the room. Jane stares in disbelief, then facepalms._

Author: Yeesh, sorry Jane. Well that seems to be all we have for this chapter! Have a nice day, and farewell!

**I will not be working on Chapter 15 immediatly. Instead, I will be making another chapter for my other story that I haven't worked on in some time. I'm working at a slower pace on these chapters, as you may have noticed, and I hope you don't mind that. This may mean I only release a chapter a day, maybe every other day. So yeah.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Look... I know this is sad... but it has come to this...**

**I will need to start skipping some reviews.**

**Oh noooooooo!**

**Oh yes. Unfortunately, I'm not writing as fast as I was anymore. There are over 70 reviews people, 70! Please, don't feel insulted if I don't use yours! There could be various reasons why!**

**It may contain lots of things I simply do not understand.**

**It may contain lots of god awful singing, no offense.**

**It may repeat dares that have either happened recently or happened a lot.**

**And although I hate to do this, I may skip a review simply because I don't like it. Sorry!**

**Please don't use this as an excuse to re-write your review so that I will use it, because that's what I'm trying to fix here! So ya. Can you believe we're on chapter 15?! It hasn't even been one week! Insanity. Absolute insani-**

**A storm rages outside. Yes, thunderstorms are possible in winter. (Wait, did I just cut myself off up there?) It's the next morning, and Jake and Dirk came down seeming quite satisfied with their feelings jam. Unfortunately, the author had no idea if it ended in sloppy make outs or not. The power hasn't been cut off yet and everyone is watching TV. It's kinda one of the only things to do around here, other than pranks and stuff. There were various suggestions on what to watch, and they were just going down the list. Right now they were watching My Little Pony.**

Karkat: WHAT EVEN IS THIS? WHO SUGGESTED THIS?

Jake: I can check...

Dirk: No, no, that won't be necessary.

Nepeta: :33 i think this is pawsitively adorable! we should watch some more!

Vriska: That discord guy seems pretty interesting.

Meenah: Rig) (t?

Dave: this show is stupid.

Jade: you don't have to watch it!

Dave: i do have to watch it. for ironic purposes.

Jade: how is that ironic?

Dave: you wouldnt understand.

Jade: clearly!

Author: I hate to break up the pony-fest over there, but how about we get some more reviews in?

Karkat: PLEASE!

_The cast pauses the show and sits in their seating chart. Kanaya's wearing a hat and changed her outfit a while ago, but Gamzee hasn't really done anything about the pink dye yet. He clearly stone-cold does not give a fuck._

Author: Alright, reviews for today!

**Submitted by gia monic:**

**Are you all enjoying the pranks and lack of 8's? No? Good.**

...I need help. :I

Karkat - Dare: Whenever you wake up, I still want that 10 minute rant.

Author/Terezi - Dare: Author, paint a bucket 'cherry' red, and give it to Terezi. Terezi, lick it.

Gamzee - Truth: How do you feel about the miracle known as the double rainbow?

Rose - Dare: Act like Patrick from the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon for the rest of the day.

YES, I'M GETTING BETTER AT THIS.

**Submitted by fuckyouhoe:**

**Karkat... How should I fucking torture you? ... Alright. I got one. Make out with fish boy. In the bucket pile. ; ) Admit to your red feelings for him. (It's okay to lie so long as you say it like you fucking mean it. ; ) Enjoy yourself. Both of you.)**

Author: Oh, we need a bucket pile.

Karkat: WAIT WHAT?

**Submitted by Homestucker:**

**:D these are so good!  
author: give me a hug  
jade: feelings jam with dave. now.  
author: apearify jadesprite.  
jadesprite: feelings jam with jade.  
author:apearify bec.  
thats all for now!**

**Submitted by Zexionienzo:**

**um, i just read all of this in one sitting, and its so great, so funny, i love it! and, uh, if you allready have too many dares and stuff its fine, but:  
Terezi- have sloppy make outs with dave  
Karkat-do something cute! (not that you aren't allready!)  
Author-give Eridan ten empty buckets as a present. :)**

Author: Cool. Cool. Good list of dares. Starting right away, Karkat! You may do a ten-minute rant about how much you hate everyone and everything, and we all just have to sit here and listen.

Karkat: FAN FUCKING TASTIC, I HAVE SOME THINGS TO SAY.

Author: We know. Aaaaaaaand... start!

_Karkat, as expected, begins to yell at pretty much everyone. Everyone sits there with bored looks on their faces, some not even paying attention at all. It doesn't matter to Karkat. He seems to avoid even talking in Nepeta's direction, as after the last chapter she admitted her feelings for him and he hasn't really talked to her since. Toward the end of the rant, some characters even start to fall asleep, such as Meenah and Tavros. Jake falls asleep leaning on a table, and Jane falls asleep on his shoulder. Dirk is not a happy camper._

Author: Alright, time's up! Sit down, Karkat, and then we can *yawn* move on.

_He sits down, fairly pleased with himself._

Author: Okay, next... one sec, I'll be right back.

_She gets up and leaves, making her way to their store of buckets and paints one red. She returns and hands it to a happy Terezi._

Terezi: WH4T 1S TH1S?

_She licks it._

Terezi: 1T T4ST3S 4W3SOM3!

Author: It's a red bucket.

Terezi: OH, 3WW, 3WW!

_She throws it across the room._

Author: Haha, sorry! Had to do it! So Gamz, have you heard of a double rainbow?

Gamzee: THOSE THINGS...

Author: ...

Gamzee: ... are motherfucking miraculous, man.

Author: Yes, yes they are!

Gamzee: MIRACLES EVERYWHERE...

Author: Good for you, Gamz. Hey Rose, have you ever watched Spongebob?

Rose: Yes.

Author: You need to act like Patrick for the rest of the day.

Rose: I don't know if I'm capable of acting that stupid...

Author: Well you can try, right?

Rose: I suppose...

Author: Fantastic! Make an honest effort now. Actually, you could help me with the next dare. We need to make a bucket pile in the corner.

Rose: Alright!

_The author and Rose abscond, then return with all the buckets in the house. They both dump them in a nice, large and quite uncomfortable pile in the corner. Rose, in an attempt to be stupid, places one on her head but the author just shakes her head and takes it off._

Author: Karkat! Fish boy! Get your asses in this pile and start making out!

Calliope: why is it that eridan seems to be doing all of the kissing?

Author: Right?

Vriska shoves Karkat into the pile, and Eridan gets in after him. Although Karkat flails around and resists, they still make out.

Author: (Now Kar, tell him you have red feelings for him.)

Karkat: (BUT I DON'T!)

Author: (Lie! But say it like you mean it!)

He does. Eridan blushes but looks pleased.

Karkat: JUST KIDDING, ASSHOLE, THAT WAS MY DARE.

Eridan: r-right! i kneww that...

I fucking love hugs!

The author hugs Homestucker.

Love ya!

Author: Oh yay! Feelings jam time! Oh Jade and Daaaave!

Jade: we have to go?

Dave: at least i dont need to do it with karkat...

Jade: should i be insulted?

Dave: no! no! lets just go...

Jade: woof!

_Dave sighs and starts to head upstairs, with Jade eagerly following._

Author: Now if you'll all excuse me, I have some appearification to do...

_The author absconds, and the cast continues to watch My Little Pony while they wait. A while later she comes back with Jadesprite and Becquerel, then heads upstairs to get Dave and Jade._

Author: Yo, you guys done?

_She opens the door to find them, surprisingly, just talking. Huh. She tells them to finish up, and the three head back downstairs. Jade's eyes widen when she sees Bec, and she runs over and hugs him._

Dave: fantastic.

Jade: oh dont be like that! becs a good dog!

Dave: sure...

Author: Jade, head back upstairs! You need to have a feelings jam with Jadesprite!

Jade: shes here?!

Jadesprite: ...

Author: Yes! Go!

_They abscond, although Jade has lost all of her enthusiasm._

Author: Okey dokey, next! Terezi and Dave, it's sloppy make out time!

Dave: i just got back from a feelings jam!

Author: So?

Terezi: GOOD PO1NT!

She tackles him and ensues sloppy make outs. Karkat sits there watching in horror.

Author: This is going well! Don't you think this is going well?

Karkat: NO.

Author: Glad you agree! Now Eridan, I have a present for you!

_She hands him a box. He looks quite surprised, then opens it excitedly. When he sees the buckets he screams and falls over backwards, much to the enjoyment of everyone else._

Author: Well, that's all for now! Sorry for the short chapter! Farewell!

**Look, I know this chapter was pretty short and pretty much sucked, but I've just lost all interest, people! Don't be surprised if there aren't any chapters for a long time, but I really just need a nice long break from this story. Don't blame me now, you're all sending in a shitload of reviews and I've written a lot of chapters in just a few short days! Not to mention the chapters just seem to run together. I'm getting bored. So yeah. Be thankful I'm telling you this instead of leaving you in the dark, and I hope you understand.**

**Not to advertise, but if you need something else to read, I will be updating my other story fairly regularly, so... hehe... yeah. Love ya!**


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